Thursday, June 30, 2005

hUMOR For June 30th

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One day, Joe, Bob and Dave were hiking in a wilderness area when they came upon a large, raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so.
Joe prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength to cross this river." Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours, although he almost drowned a couple of times.
Seeing this, Dave prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength and the tools to cross this river." Poof! God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about an hour, after almost capsizing the boat a couple of times.
Bob had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength and the tools, and the intelligence, to cross this river."
Poof! God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, then walked across the bridge.
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A golfer set up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty
swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his
ball and saw an opening between two trees he thought he
could hit through.

Taking out his 3-wood, he took another mighty swing; the
ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him.

As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter saw him
coming and asked "Are you a good golfer?" to which the man replied, "Got here in two, didn't I?"
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Bedtime Suggestion
I'd had a pretty hectic day with my four-year-old. When bed- time finally came, I laid down the law: "We're putting on your p.j.s, brushing your teeth, and reading ONE book. Then it's lights out!"
Her arms went around my neck in a gentle embrace, and she said, "We learned in Sunday school about little boys and girls who don't have mommies and daddies."
Even after I'd been such a grouch, I thought, she was still grateful to have me. I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes, and then she whispered, "Maybe you could go be THEIR mom?"
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The Kids Behind You,

There is a caricature of young people that says they
are hopelessly self- centered and uncaring,
pleasure-seeking and unspiritual. That vision of the
kids coming behind us makes some educators,
politicians, and churchmen cry out in holy horror.
What will happen when they are at the levers of power?

Things may not be nearly so bad with high school and
college students as some have led us to think. If one
takes seriously the findings of a couple of
researchers whose work is being done under the
auspices of the Higher Education Research Institute at
UCLA, there is reason to be encouraged.

The study collected a wealth of data from 112,232
entering college freshmen during the first week of
school at 236 U.S. colleges last fall. Dr. Helen
Astin, co-leader of the project, said their findings
"have taken us by surprise."

* Almost 80 percent of college freshmen believe in
God.

* More than two-thirds of them pray.

* More than 70 percent say they wrestle with the
question of life's deeper meaning and want their
college experience to help them in their struggle.

* Forty percent say it is very important to follow
religious teaching in their everyday life in the
classroom and workplace.

Perhaps things aren't quite as bleak as some have been
telling us! And maybe it would be wiser for parents,
teachers, and clergy to do something helpful to
provide positive spiritual nurture for these young men
and women than to castigate them for the sake of the
image some of their peers may have projected.

If college years constitute a time of intellectual and
social exploration, we should expect these
twenty-somethings to raise and wrestle with
fundamental questions. Perhaps some of us who are
older haven't taken them seriously enough. Haven't
offered them very compelling responses to their hard
questions. Haven't modeled the sort of life that
reflects the values we claim to embrace.

Previous studies of spiritual interests and religious
activity among college students indicate that these
concerns lessen as they move through four years of undergraduate training. Perhaps that finding reflects the sad fact that many students fail to find mentors and role models during their educational careers.

Whether educator, workplace guide, or parent, take
heart that the kids behind you aren't the hopeless
cases some have said. And set yourself the goal of
helping at least one of them find the meaning he or
she is searching to know.
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Clean Quote.
"I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter." - Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
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Get Better Soon

A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and
hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable
keyboard along. He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients'
bedsides.

When he finished he said, in farewell, "I hope you get better."

One elderly gentleman replied, "I hope you get better, too."