JACK (age 3) was watching his mom breast-feed his new baby
sister. After a while he asked, "Mom, why have you got two?
Is one for hot and one for cold milk?"
MELANIE (age 5) asked her granny how old she was. Granny
replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie
said, "If you don't remember, you must look in the back of
your panties. Mine say five to six."
STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his mom goodnight. "I love
you so much that when you die, I'm going to bury you outside
my bedroom window."
BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a painkiller. She
tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her
frustration, her mom explained it was a childproof cap and
she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the
little girl asked, "How does it know it's me?
SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups.
"Please don't give me this juice again," she said. "It makes
my teeth cough."
D I (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked, "How
much do I cost?"
MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young man and woman who were
hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes
off them, he asked his dad, "Why is he whispering in her
mouth?"
CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his
mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know
what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my
wife fit in?"
JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read,
"The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out
of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to
salt." Concerned, James asked, "What happened to the flea?"
TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly,
rather wrinkled woman her mom knew. Tammy looked at her for
a while and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your
face?"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Clergy Crowd Control"
A young clergyman, fresh out of seminary, thought it would help him better understand the fears and temptations his future congregations faced if he first took a job as a policeman for several months.
He passed the physical examination; then came the oral exam to test his ability to act quickly and wisely in an emergency.
Among other questions he was asked, “What would you do to disperse a frenzied crowd?” He thought for a moment and then said, “I would pass an offering plate.”
He got the job.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oneliner
"All good one liners are one character too lon"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CleanPun - "Labor"
My wife was in labor with our first child. Things were going pretty well when suddenly she began to shout, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! CAN'T!"
"Doctor, what's wrong with my wife!" I cried.
"It's perfectly normal," he reassured me, "She's just having her contractions."