My Work Experience

My Work Experience

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned ...

couldn't concentrate.
Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it,
so
they gave me the ax.
After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it.
Mainly
because it was a so-so job.
Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was exhausting.
I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.
Then I tried to be a chef -- figured it would add a little spice to my
life
but I just didn't have the thyme.
Finally, I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I
couldn't cut the mustard.
My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't
noteworthy.
I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patients.
Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn't fit in.
I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on
my
net income.
Thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell.
I managed to get a good job working for a pool Maintenance company, but
the
work was just too draining.
I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes but I was Fired because I wasn't up
to
it.
So then I got a job in a gymnasium (workout center), but they said I
wasn't
fit for the job.
Next, I found being an electrician interesting, but the work was
shocking.
After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a
historian until I realized there was no future in it.
My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was
always the same old grind.
So I "RETIRED" and I found I am a perfect fit for this job!

My three year old son

My three year old son

My three year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training; and I was
on him constantly. One day, we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch
in--between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While
enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course, I checked my
seven month-old daughter; she was clean. Then I realized that Matt had
not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him, and he said "No".

I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident," and I didn't
have any clothes with me. Then I said, "Matt, are you sure you did not
have an accident?"

"No," he replied. I just knew that he must have had, because the smell
was getting worse.

So.........I asked one more time.

"Matt, did you have an accident?"

This time, with a little smirk on his face, he jumped up, yanked down his
pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled...
"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST GAS!!"

While 100 people nearly choked to death on their tacos, he calmly pulled
up his pants and sat down to eat his food as if nothing happened. I was
mortified...but some kind elderly people made me feel a lot better, when
they came over and thanked me for the best laugh they had ever had.