McDonalds
Driving through Oklahoma, my husband and I went out of our way to
stop at what was billed as the largest McDonald's in the world.
However, we were less than thrilled when an employee addressed
everyone over the intercom: "Attention, world's largest McDonald's customers."
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"Correct Response"
While in an instrument flight-training class at Reese Air Force Base, Texas, I dozed off and, to my dismay, was awakened by a question posed by my instructor.
My buddy whispered the correct response to me. After I gave the answer, my instructor replied, "Good, lieutenant," but his remarks were directed to my friend.
"Next time, put your hand behind his neck to work his jaw, and don't let your lips move so much."
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CleanQuote
"I'm going to memorize your name and throw my head away." - Oscar Levant
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Visitation"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Several women were visiting elderly Mrs. Diamond who was very ill. After a while, they rose to leave and told her, "Esther, we will keep you in our prayers."
"Just wash the dishes in the kitchen," the ailing woman said, "I can do my own praying."
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One day I found Morris, my five-year-old son, with the telephone, which he
quickly hung up when he saw me. "What were you doing?" I asked him.
"Calling Aunt Sarah."
"How could you have called Aunt Sarah?" I asked. "You don't even know her
number."
"Yes, I do and I did call her," little Morris replied.
I wasted a lot of breath trying to convince him that he didn't know her
number, but he insisted he had made the call. "Okay," I said finally. "What
did she say, then, if you called her?"
"She told me I had the wrong number."
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During a baseball game, a woman kept shouting threats at the umpire. No
matter what happened on the field, she constantly yelled, "Kill the umpire!"
This went on for an hour.
"Lady," a nearby fan finally yelled out, "the umpire hasn't done anything
wrong."
"Hey," she shouted back, "how would you know that? That's my husband, not
yours!"
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In light of recent terrorist activity, France has raised their terror alert
level from "run" to "hide". The only two higher levels in France are
"surrender" and "collaborate"