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12 Reasons you’ll be glad you burnt the turkey
1. Salmonella won't be a concern.2. Everyone will think your turkey is Cajun blackened.3. Uninvited guests will think twice next year.4. Your cheese broccoli lima bean casserole will gainnewfound appreciation.5. Pets won't bother to pester you for scraps.6. No one will overeat.7. The smoke alarm was due for a test.8. Carving the bird will provide a good cardiovascularworkout.9. You'll get to the desserts even quicker.10. After dinner, the guys can take the bird to the yard andplay football.11. The less turkey Uncle You-Know-Who eats, the less likelyhe will be to walk around with his pants unbuttoned.12. You won't have to face three weeks of turkey sandwiches.
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Turkey Poem
I ate too much Turkey, I ate too much corn,I ate too much pudding and pie.I'm stuffed up with muffins and too much stuffin'I'm probably going to die.
I piled up my plate and I ate and I ate.But I wish I had known when to stop,For I'm so crammed with yams, sauces, gravies, and jamsThat my buttons are starting to pop!
I'm full of tomatoes and french fried potatoes My stomach is swollen and sore,But there's still some dessert so I guess it won't hurt if I eat just a little bit more!
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Here is today's CleanQuote.
"Never give the devil a ride; he will always want to drive."
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Here is today's Illustration. - Sentiment
I guess I must have been poking through the cards for an awful long time, lingering from one card to another, because the clerk in the Hallmark store came over and said, "Sir, is there a problem?"
"Yeah," I sighed, "I can't find one my wife will believe."
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Thanksgiving PrayerMy family traditionally begins the evening meal with a prayer of thanks. When they were old enough, we began letting our children say the meal prayer. Of course at first they would ask for a pony, a new bike, etc. They soon learned the more important things which should be included in the prayer.At Thanksgiving we had the whole family over. My nine year old wanted to say the prayer. It went like this:"Heavenly Father, we thank Thee for the turkey, the rolls, the mashed potatoes, the red jiggly stuff, and the bread stuff even though I don't like it. We ask that You not let us choke on this food."(Most of us nearly choked just trying not to laugh!)
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Thanksgiving PrayerMy family traditionally begins the evening meal with a prayer of thanks. When they were old enough, we began letting our children say the meal prayer. Of course at first they would ask for a pony, a new bike, etc. They soon learned the more important things which should be included in the prayer.At Thanksgiving we had the whole family over. My nine year old wanted to say the prayer. It went like this:"Heavenly Father, we thank Thee for the turkey, the rolls, the mashed potatoes, the red jiggly stuff, and the bread stuff even though I don't like it. We ask that You not let us choke on this food."(Most of us nearly choked just trying not to laugh!)
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I just love this one... (ts)Things to Do in an Elevator1) When there's only one other person in the elevator,tap him on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn'tyou.2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock.Smile, and go back for more.3) Ask if you can push the button for other people,but push the wrong ones.4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone andask if they know what floor you're on.5) Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for afriend. After a while, let the doors close, and say,"Hi Greg. How's your day been?"6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick itup, then scream, "That's mine!"7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in theelevator.8) Move your desk into the elevator and wheneveranyone gets on, ask if he has an appointment.9) Lay down the Twister mat and ask people if theywould like to play.10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone getson, ask him if he can hear ticking.11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and reviewemergency procedures and exits with the passengers.12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing himoccasionally.14) When the doors close, announce to the others,"It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"15) Swat at flies that don't exist.16) Tell people that you can see their aura.17) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead andmuttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"18) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and whilepeering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"19) Stand silently and motionless in the corner,facing the wall, without getting off.20) Stare at another passenger for awhile, thenannounce in horror, "You're one of THEM!" and backaway slowly.21) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk tothe other passengers.22) Listen to the elevator walls with yourstethoscope.23) Make explosion noises when anyone presses abutton.24) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while,and then announce, "I have new socks on."25) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk andannounce to the other passengers, "This is MY personalspace!"
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I Am Thankful........for the taxes that I pay because it means that I am employed....for the mess to clean after a party because it means I have been surrounded by friends....for the clothes that fit a little too snug because it means I have enough to eat....for my shadow who watches me work because it means I am out in the sunshine....for a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning and gutters that need fixing because it means I have a home....for all the complaining I hear about the government because it means we have freedom of speech....for the spot I find at the far end of the parking lot because it means I am capable of walking....for the lady behind me in church who sings off key because it means that I can hear....for the piles of laundry and ironing because it means I have clothes to wear....for weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day because it means I have been productive....for the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours because it means that I am alive....for getting too much e-mail because it lets me know I have friends who are thinking of me.
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I Am Thankful........for the taxes that I pay because it means that I am employed....for the mess to clean after a party because it means I have been surrounded by friends....for the clothes that fit a little too snug because it means I have enough to eat....for my shadow who watches me work because it means I am out in the sunshine....for a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning and gutters that need fixing because it means I have a home....for all the complaining I hear about the government because it means we have freedom of speech....for the spot I find at the far end of the parking lot because it means I am capable of walking....for the lady behind me in church who sings off key because it means that I can hear....for the piles of laundry and ironing because it means I have clothes to wear....for weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day because it means I have been productive....for the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours because it means that I am alive....for getting too much e-mail because it lets me know I have friends who are thinking of me.