When the office printer's type began to grow faint (this was
one of the old dot-matrix printers), the office manager
called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him
that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because
the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he said, the
manager might try reading the printer's manual and doing the
job himself.
Pleasantly surprised by his candor, the office manager
asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"
"Actually it's my boss's idea," the employee replied. "We
usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to
fix things themselves first."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Immutable Laws
When one wishes to unlock a door but has has only one
hand free, the keys are in the opposite pocket. (Von
Fumbles Law)
A door will snap shut only when you have left the keys
inside. (Yale Law of Destiny)
When one's hands are covered with oil, grease, or
glue, your nose will start to itch. (Law of Ichiban)
Your insurance will cover everything but what has
happened. (Insurance So Sorry Law)
When things seem to be going well, you've probably
forgotten to do something. (Cheney's Second Corollary)
When things seem easy to do, it's because you haven't
followed all the instructions. (Destiny Awaits Law)
If you keep your cool when everyone else is losing
his, it's probably because you have not realized the
seriousness of the problem. (Law of Gravitas)
Most problems are not created or solved; they only
change appearances. (Einstein's Law of Persistence)
You will run to answer the telephone just as the party
hangs up on you. (Principle of Dingaling)
Whenever you connect with the Internet, the call
you've been waiting for all day will arrive.
(Principle of Bellsouth)
If there are only two programs on TV that are worth
your time, they will always be at the same time. (Law
of Wasteland)
The cost is always higher than one budgets for, and it
is exactly 3.14 times higher, hence the importance of
pi. (Law of Pi Eyed)
The probability that one will spill food on one's
clothes is directly proportional to the need to be
clean. (Law of Campbell Scoop)
Each and every body submerged in a bathtub will cause
the phone to ring. (Law of Yes Now)
Each and every body sitting on a commode will cause
the doorbell to ring. (Law of Ding Dong)
Wind velocity will increase proportionally to the cost
of one's hairdo. (The Don King Principle)
After discarding something not used for years, you
will need it one week later. (Law of Fatal
Irreversibility)
Arriving early for an appointment will cause the
receptionist to be absent, and if one arrives late,
everyone else has arrived before you. (Law of Delay)
Do not take life too seriously, because in the end,
you won't come out alive anyway. (Theory of Absolute
Certainty)
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks to JLH: HARVARD READING TEST
This was developed as an age test by an R&D department
at Harvard University.
Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud
without a mistake. The average person over 50 years of
age can't do it!
1. This is this cat
2. This is is cat
3. This is how cat
4. This is to cat
5. This is keep cat
6. This is an cat
7. This is old cat
8. This is goat cat
9. This is busy cat
10. This is for cat
11. This is forty cat
12. This is seconds cat
Now go back and read aloud the third word in each line
from the top down and I betcha you can't resist
passing it on.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GCF: Locksmith Revenge
My friend's father is a locksmith in a resort town. Once he saw a
group of beach-goers park near his shop and dump trash from their car
on his property. As soon as they were out of sight, the locksmith
picked the lock on their car door, put the garbage back inside and
re-locked the car.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks to SK: Copyright Explained
When you write copy you have the right to copyright
the copy you write, if the copy is right. If however,
your copy falls over, you must right your copy. If you
write religious services you write rite, and have the
right to copyright the rite you write.
Very conservative people write right copy, and have
the right to copyright the right copy they write. A
right wing cleric would write right rite, and has the
right to copyright the right rite he has the right to
write. His editor has the job of making the right rite
copy right before the copyright can be right.
Should Thom Wright decide to write right rite, then
Wright would write right rite, which Wright has the
right to copyright. Duplicating that rite would copy
Wright right rite, and violate copyright, which
Wright would have the right to right.
Right?
Copyright 1991 Shelley Herman S.P.E.B.S.Q.S.A.,
Whittier Chapter If you wish to copy or write this be
certain to copy right the copyright.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Hypnotist
The Hypnotist
It was entertainment night at the senior center and the Amazing Claude was
topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist
do his stuff.
As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced, "Unlike most
hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance, I
intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."
The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique
pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this
antique watch. It's a very special watch.
It's been in my family for six generations." He began to swing the watch
gently back and forth
while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the
watch.."
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light
gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the
swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and
fell to the floor, shattering into a hundred pieces.
"SHIT!" said the Hypnotist...
It took three days to clean up the senior center.