!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Happy Birthday Call
A couple phoned a neighbor to extend birthday greetings. They dialed the number and then sang "Happy Birthday" to him.
But when they finished their off-key rendition, they discovered that they had dialed the wrong number.
"Don't let it bother you," said a strange but amused voice. "You folks need all the practice you can get."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Here is today's CleanQuote.
"A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age." - Robert Frost
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Here is today's Illustration. - Complaining
A passenger train is creeping along, painfully slowly. Finally, it creaks to a complete halt.
A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside.
"What's going on?" she yells out the window.
"Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.
Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again.
The woman sees the same conductor walking by again. She leans out the window and yells,
"What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Things to Do in an Elevator1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, taphim on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock.Smile, and go back for more.3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but pushthe wrong ones.4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask ifthey know what floor you're on.5) Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for a friend.After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How'syour day been?"6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up,then scream, "That's mine!"7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in theelevator.8) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone getson, ask if he has an appointment.9) Lay down the Twister mat and ask people if they wouldlike to play.10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, askhim if he can hear ticking.11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergencyprocedures and exits with the passengers.12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing himoccasionally.14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It'sokay, don't panic, they open again!"15) Swat at flies that don't exist.16) Tell people that you can see their aura.17) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead andmuttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"18) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peeringinside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"19) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing thewall, without getting off.20) Stare at another passenger for awhile, then announce inhorror, "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.21) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to theother passengers.22) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.23) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.24) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, andthen announce, "I have new socks on."25) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk andannounce to the other passengers, "This is MY personalspace!"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Middle East MysteryEveryone seems to be wondering why Muslim terroristsare so quick to commit suicide.Let's see now:· No Jesus.· No Wal-Mart.· No television.· No baseball.· No football.· No basketball.· No hockey.· No golf.· No tailgate parties.· No Home Depot.· No pork BBQ.· No hot dogs.· No burgers.· No lobster.· No shellfish, or even frozen fish sticks.· No gumbo.· No jambalaya.· More than one wife. (HELLOOO, ARE YOU CRAZY?)· Rags for clothes and towels for hats.· Constant wailing from the guy next-door because he'ssick and there are no doctors.· Constant wailing from the guy in the tower.· No chocolate chip cookies.· No Christmas.· You can't shave.· Your wives can't shave.· You can't shower to wash off the smell of dinnercooked over burning camel dung.· The women have to wear baggy dresses and veils atall times.· Your bride is picked by someone else.· She smells just like your donkey, but your donkeyhas a better disposition.Then they tell you that when you die it all getsbetter! I mean, really. IS THERE ANY MYSTERY HERE?