I used to work in technical support for a 24x7 call center. One day I got a
call from an Individual who asked what hours the call center was open.
I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week."
He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"
Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Pacific."
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Two men were talking and one says to the other, "You'll never believe this.
If you play an AOL CD backwards you can hear all kinds of evil and Satanic
messages."
His friend replies, "That's nothing. If you play it forwards it installs
AOL.
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I experiencing Deja Vu. I experiencing Deja Vu.
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"Clerk Problem"
In a department store, Sandra and a patient clerk were having a hard time getting together. Nothing the clerk provided was suitable. Finally, Sandra said in annoyance, "Can't you find a smarter clerk to serve me?"
"No," said the saleswoman. "The smarter clerk saw you coming and left."
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CleanQuote
"Snowflakes are one of nature's most fragile things, but just look what they can do when they stick together."
- Vesta M. Kelly
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"Security"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
On a business trip, my father approached a security checkpoint at the airport. The National Guard shift was rotating, and a guard, in full uniform, was in line in front of him.
As with everybody else, the soldier was ordered to go through the metal detector. So, as he did so, he handed his M-16 rifle to security personnel along with other items such as handcuffs and a flashlight.
Still, the alarm sounded when he walked through. Further inspection revealed a little Swiss army knife inside one of his pockets.
"Sorry, Sir, but this item is prohibited," security said to the soldier.
Then, taking the knife away, the airport worker handed him back the M-16.
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"Label Warning"
My in-laws gave us a beautiful knife set--top quality.
The accompanying cutting board, however, was a different story.
On the wrapping around it was printed this warning: "Opening with sharp object may damage this product."
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A member of the Vatican staff announced at a church service that the Pope
had contracted the Avian Flu.
A member of the congregation raised his hand, stood, and asked if the staff
member had meant to say Asian Flu.
The staff member said that Avian Flu was the correct term. The Pope had
contracted it from a Cardinal.
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A minister was disappointed when he took up the collection from his
congregation. All in all, it was quite skimpy.
"You know you can't take it with you." he told them. "But if you put it in
the plate, I'll send it on ahead."
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"I care not for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not the better for
it." - Abraham Lincoln