"The population of the United States reached 300 million yesterday. In a
related story the population of Mexico is now at 38 people." - Jay Leno
+++++++++++++++++++
Ants
"I'm here to exterminate the ants," explained the exterminator.
"I don't have an ant problem anymore."
"Well," he said, "I'll just treat the area to make sure they don't come
back."
"Great," I replied. "That sounds like a good idea."
Eight weeks prior to this conversation I was sitting at my desk in my office
and felt the sensation of something crawling on my arm. Upon closer
inspection, I discovered the presence of a small ant. With one press of my
mighty fingertip, I eliminated the pest. By late afternoon I had a
full-blown ant problem. Ants were crawling all over my desk and various
other places throughout my office.
The next morning I set out a couple of household ant traps that I had bought
the night before. I put one behind my trashcan and another in the opposite
corner of the room. The ants loved whatever was in the traps and soon my
desk was clear of the insects and their trail now lead exclusively to the
traps. When I arrived the following morning, all traces of ant infestation
were void but I left the traps in place just to be on the safe side.
Whenever I have a facilities problem, in other words an air conditioning,
heat, plumbing or general building problem, I report it to the building
liaison. It just so happened that the building liaison noticed my ant traps
in my office and told me, "You know, you aren't really supposed to put out
ant traps like that."
"No, I didn't know that," I replied.
"Yes, well technically, if you have an insect problem you're supposed to
report it to me and then I'll send a work order over to the staff
exterminator for him to come over and take care of the problem."
"Oh. Okay. I only set them out yesterday so I'll just toss them in the trash
and you can let the exterminator know about the ants.
The building liaison said that he'd inform the exterminator so that he could
come out and investigate the situation. He also said that he'd put in the
work order that day. Since then, I haven't seen any ants in my office.
Eight weeks later, a man sticks his head in my door to say, ""I'm here to
exterminate the ants."
"I don't have an ant problem anymore."
"Well," said the exterminator, "I'll just treat the area to make sure they
don't come back."
"Great," I replied. "That sounds like a good idea."
He opened a tackle box and took out a small box. From the small box he
removed two ant traps. As a matter of fact, they were the same type and
brand that I had set out previously. He placed one of the traps behind my
trashcan and the other in opposite corner on the other side of the room.
"Is that all you're going to do?" I asked.
"Yep. That'll probably take care of any ant problems you might have."
"Wow. I would have never thought of that."
"Most people don't think of it but you can buy these traps at just about any
grocery store."
"Is that a fact?"
"Yep but they're only good for three months."
"Are you coming back to replace them in three months?"
"Sure. Just have your building liaison turn in a work order."
+++++++++++++++++++
Oldie but Goodie
Without any paperwork, Grandpa started getting a $500 check every month. So Grandpa and Grandma started cashing them.
It turns out the government made a mistake with the address; the checks
were intended for another person with the exact same name.
Grandpa then received a notice that he had to pay back $6,000. Visibly upset, he complained to his grandson, an accountant.
His grandson asked: "Grandpa, didn't you wonder why you were receiving checks for doing absolutely nothing?"
Grandpa answered: "I knew the Democrats were back in power."
+++++++++++++++++++
Politically Correct National Football League??
Announcement: Name Changes and Schedule
The Washington Native Americans will host the New York Very Tall People on
opening day. Other key games include the Dallas Western-Style Laborers
hosting the St. Louis Uninvited Guests, and the Minnesota Plundering
Norsemen taking on the Green Bay Meat Industry Workers.
In Week 2, there are several key match ups, highlighted by the showdown
between the San Francisco Precious Metal Enthusiasts and the New Orleans
Outstandingly Good People. The Atlanta Birds of Prey will play host to the
Philadelphia Birds of Prey, while the Seattle Birds of Prey will visit the
Phoenix Male Finches.
The Monday night game will pit the Miami Pelagic Percoid Food Fishes against
the Denver Untamed Beasts of Burden. The Cincinnati Large Bangladeshi
Carnivorous Mammals will travel to Tampa Bay for a clash with the West
Indies Free Booters later in Week 9. And the Detroit Large Carnivorous Cats
will play the Chicago Securities-Traders-in-a-Declining-Market.
Week 9 also features the Indianapolis Young Male Horses at the New England
Zealous Lovers of Country.