A hot-headed golfer with a penchant for breaking clubs was
playing one day when he came to the 16th hole, where he
faced an approach shot across a ravine.
He said to his caddie, "What kind of distance do we have,
son?"
The caddie replied, "About 135, sir."
"My 6 iron, please," said the hothead.
His caddie replied, "It's going to have to be either a 3
iron or 3 wood, sir. That's all that's left in the bag!"
Received from Colorado Comments.
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"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one
behind me." - General George S. Patton
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Innocence Is PricelessChurch memorial for those in the service…
One Sunday morning, the Pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the Church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names with small American flags mounted on either side of it.The seven year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the Pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, “Good morning Alex.”“Good morning Pastor,” he replied, still focused on the plaque. “Pastor, what is this?”The Pastor said, “Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.”Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque. Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear, asked, “Which service, the 9:45 or the 11:15?”
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Comprehending AccountantsFind out what accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't…
Comprehending Accountants - Take One
Two accountancy students were walking across campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?”The second accountant replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when abeautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'”The first accountant nodded approvingly, “Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't fit.”
Comprehending Accountants - Take Two
An architect, an artist and an accountant were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.The accountant said, “I like both.”“Both?”The accountant replied “Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the office and get some work done.”
Comprehending Accountants - Take Three
To the optimist, the glass is half full.To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.To the accountant, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Comprehending Accountants - Take Four
An accountant was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.”The accountant took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want.”Again the accountant took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?”The accountant said, “Look I'm an accountant. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool.”
Comprehending Accountants - Take Five
A businessman was interviewing applicants for the position of Divisional Manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant the question, “What is two and two?”The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was “twenty-two.”The second applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a calculator and showed the answer to be between 3.999999 and 4.000001.The next person was a lawyer. He stated that in the case of Jenkins v. Commr of Stamp Duties (Qld), two and two was proven to be four.The last applicant was an accountant. The business man asked him, “How much is two and two?”The accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door, closed it then came back and sat down. He leaned across the desk and said in a low voice, “How much do you want it to be?”He got the job...
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Fairy TalesA little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with Once Upon A Time?"He replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with 'If elected I promise...'"