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Executive Approval
For many years I worked as a receptionist and switchboard operator at a busy company. After a good annual review, my supervisor told me I was up for a raise, pending approval of the vice president.
A month later, my supervisor called me into his office and told me the VP had refused to approve the raise. His reason? I clearly wasn't doing my job. Every time he saw me, I was either chatting with someone in the lobby or talking on the phone.
**** How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
Charismatic: Only one. Hands already in the air.
Pentecostal: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at
predestined times.
Roman Catholic: None. Candles only.
Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and
three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.
Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to
mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the
old one was.
Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.
Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in
favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if
in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including: incandescent, fluorescent three way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright,
dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.
Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.
Amish: What's a light bulb?
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THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW(?)
1. Money isn't made out of paper, it's made out of
cotton.
2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp
paper.
3. The dot over the letter i is called a "tittle".
4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will
bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the
glass to the top.
5. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of
Happy Meals.
6. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were
misspelled.
7. The 'spot' on 7UP comes from its inventor, who had
red eyes. He was albino.
8. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong
parents, daily.
9. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system;
a few ounces will kill a small sized dog.
10. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up
into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the
shark to explode.
11. Most lipstick contains fish scales (eeww).
12. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland
because he doesn't wear pants.
13. Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.
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Reluctant Doctor Visit
The hunched-back man decides very reluctantly, that he should go see a
doctor after a few too many people have started to comment on his back.
DOCTOR: I need for you to get undressed, sir.
(Hunchback removes jacket and then stops)
HUNCHBACK: I really don't like getting undressed, doctor.
DOCTOR: If you want me to examine your back you'll have to get undressed. (Hunchback removes his shirt but leaves his t-shirt on)
HUNCHBACK: I don't like showing people my back. They always laugh at me.
DOCTOR: Do you want me to examine your back or not?
(Very reluctantly, the hunchback removes his t-shirt)
DOCTOR: Ah...just how long is it since you were in school?
HUNCHBACK: Gosh, over 20 years, doctor. Why?
DOCTOR: Did you ever wonder all those years what happened to your backpack?