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One day a blonde was riding on an airplane. There was a loud noise that came from outside the plane. The captain came on the intercom, "Attention passengers, we just lost one of our engines; but don't worry, the other three engines will keep us up. Also, we will arrive at our destination about an hour behind schedule."
Half an hour later, another loud noise sounded from outside
the plane. The captain once again came on the intercom, "Attention passengers, do not be alarmed. We lost another engine, but the other two will still keep us flying. We will arrive at our destination about three hours late."
After the captain said this, the blonde leaned over to the passenger next to her and said, "If those other two engines go out, we'll be up here forever."
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A tourist is visiting New York City when his car breaks down. He jumps out and starts fiddling under the hood. About five minutes later, he hears some thumping sounds and looks around to see someone taking stuff out of his trunk.
He runs around and yells, "Hey, bud, this is my car!"
"Okay," the man says, "You take the front and I'll take the back."
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Quotes
One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.
One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.
English Proverb (17th century)
One good turn deserves another.
One of these day is none of these days.
Only the wearer knows where the shoe pinches
Opportunity seldom knocks twice.
Poor men seek meat for their stomach, rich men stomach
for their meat.
Practice makes perfect.
Prevention is better than cure.
Rats desert a sinking ship.
The early bird catches the worm.
The first step is the hardest.
The grass is always greener on the other side of the
fence.
The last straw breaks the camel's back.
The older the fiddler, the sweeter the tune.
The pot calls the kettle black.
There's a black sheep in every flock.
There's no fool like an old fool.
There's no place like home.
Things are not always what they seem.
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The Wedding Plans
George, age 92, and Edith, age 89, had been seeing
each other for 2 years when they decided that life
was too short and they might as well be together for
the rest of their lives. Excited about their decision
to become newlyweds, they went for a stroll to discuss
the wedding and what plans need to be made.
Along their way, they found themselves in front of a
drugstore. George said to his bride-to-be, "Let's go
in. I have idea." They walked to the rear of the
store and addressed the man behind the counter:
"Are you the owner?" asked George.
The pharmacist answered, "Yes sir, I am. How can I
help you?"
George: "Do you sell heart medications?"
Pharmacist: "Of course we do."
George: "How about support hose for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "Definitely."
George: "What about medications for rheumatism,
osteoporosis & arthritis?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."
George: "How about waterproof furniture pads &
Depends?"
Pharmacist: "Yes sir."
George: "Hearing aids, denture supplies & reading
glasses?"
Pharmacist: "Yes."
George: "What about eye drops,sleeping
pills,Geritol,Preparation - H and ExLax?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely."
George: "You sell wheelchairs, walkers & canes?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds and sizes. Why all these
questions?"
George smiled, glanced shyly at Edith and replied
to the pharmacist, "We've decided to get married and
we'd like to use your store as our Bridal Registry"