Vern was cat-sitting my granddaughter's indoor
feline, it escaped outside. When it failed to return the
following morning, I found the beast clinging to a branch
about 30 feet up in a spindly tree. Unable to lure it down,
he called the fire department.
"We don't do that anymore," the woman dispatcher said. When
he persisted, she was polite but firm. "The cat will come
down when it gets hungry enough."
"How do you know that?" he asked.
"Have you ever seen a cat skeleton in a tree?" she said.
Two hours later the cat was back, looking for breakfast.
+++++++++++++++++++
The poor Beartown Pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with a $225.00 reciept for a new dress she had just purchased. "What made you do this?" he exclaimed.
"I don't know," she wailed, "I was standing in the store looking at the dress. Then I found myself trying it on. It was like the Devil was whispering to me, 'Wow, you look great in that dress. You should buy it!'"
"Well," the Pastor persisted, "You know how to deal with him! Just tell him, 'Get behind me, Satan!'"
"I did," replied the wife, "But then he said 'It looks great from back here, too!'"
+++++++++++++++++++
The Wisdom of ChildrenWhen your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" Don't answer.Never tell your Mom her diet's not working.Stay away from prunes.Don't pull Dad's finger when he tells you to.Never let your three-year-old brother in the same room as your school assignment.If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.Felt-tip markers are not good to use as lipstick.Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your Mom when she's on the phone.
+++++++++++++++++++
I knew that as I was getting older, and finally able to admit it, certain
things were starting to "slip". In an effort to prevent this "slippage", I
went enthusiastically to a three-hour seminar on memory improvement.
After an hour I slipped out, I took the same course, given by the same
professor, last year.
+++++++++++++++++++
A photographer was hired to take pictures at a lawyers' convention.
When he lined up his subjects he got them to look their best by shouting,
"Okay everyone, say fees!"
+++++++++++++++++++
"President Bush is claiming that a new postal law gives him the authority to
read anyone's letters without a warrant. If you're upset about the law, youcan let Bush know by writing to your sister." - Conan O'Brien