When I Retire There's no nursing home in my future . . . when I get old and feeble, I'mchecking into the Holiday Inn! The average cost for a nursing home is atleast $188 per day. I've already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn.With a combined long-term-stay discount and senior discount, it's $49.23 pernight. That leaves $138.77 a day for:1. Breakfast, lunch and dinner in any restaurant I want, or room service.2. Laundry, gratuities and special TV movies.Plus, Holiday Inn provides a swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge,washer, dryer, etc. Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have freeshampoo and soap.They treat you like a customer, not a patient. Five bucks worth of tips aday will have the entire staff scrambling to help you. There's a city busstop out front, and seniors ride free. To meet other nice people, call achurch bus on Sundays.For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and eat at one of thenice restaurants there. While you're at the airport, fly somewhere.Otherwise, the cash keeps building up.It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday Inn will take yourreservation today. And you're not stuck in one place forever - you can movefrom Inn to Inn, or even from city to city.Want to see Hawaii? It has Holiday Inns, too.TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? Noproblem! They fix everything and apologize for the inconvenience.The Inn has a night security person and daily room service.The maid checks to see if you're OK. If not, they'll call the undertaker oran ambulance.If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip and Holiday Innwill upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.And no worries about visits from family. They'll always be glad to find you,and probably check in for a few days mini-vacation. The grandkids can usethe pool.What more can you ask for?So, when I reach the golden age, I'll face it with a grin.Just forward all my e-mail to me @holidayinn.com (in Hawaii, of course)
Thursday, July 29, 2004
A Serious Note
The White House -
February, 2005One sunny day in February, 2005, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench.He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Kerry."The Marine replied, "Sir, Mr. Kerry is not President and doesn't reside here."The old man said, "Okay," and walked away.The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Kerry"The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Kerry is not President and doesn't reside here."The man thanked him and again walked away.The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Kerry."The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Kerry. I've told you already that Mr. Kerry is not the President and doesn't reside here. Don't you understand?"The old man answered, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow Sir."
February, 2005One sunny day in February, 2005, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench.He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Kerry."The Marine replied, "Sir, Mr. Kerry is not President and doesn't reside here."The old man said, "Okay," and walked away.The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Kerry"The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Kerry is not President and doesn't reside here."The man thanked him and again walked away.The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Kerry."The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Kerry. I've told you already that Mr. Kerry is not the President and doesn't reside here. Don't you understand?"The old man answered, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow Sir."
I live by this credo
I live by this credo: 'Have a little laugh at life and look around you forhappiness instead of sadness.' Laughter has always brought me out ofunhappy situations. Even in your darkest moment, you usually can findsomething to laugh about if you try hard enough. If I can make people laugh,then I have served my purpose for God.' --By Red Skelton
The Top 10 Reasons Why
The Top 10 Reasons Why
The Average Christian Can't Play Baseball10.
Doesn't practice all week, but expects to start on game day.9. Gets upset when every ball hit doesn't come directly to him.8. Never swings at a pitch because, "this pitcher doesn't throw
like the last pitcher. The game's just not the same since he left."7. Wants to run home before going to first base.6. Chatters in order to keep teammates from hitting the ball.5. Doesn't come to the game unless the coach personally calls
him on the phone, each week, and invites him to show up.4. Won't run after the ball if it's more than three feet away. After
all, surely somebody will get it sooner or later.3. Thinks baseball cleats are for leaving neat designs on his
team mates’ backs.2. Gets upset because the phone line to the bull pen doesn't
have call waiting. If it did, he could gripe about how bad the
pitcher is doing, and yet never miss out if someone wanted to
talk about the catcher.1. Thinks the game will last so long, that the concession stand
will be closed before it's over.
The Average Christian Can't Play Baseball10.
Doesn't practice all week, but expects to start on game day.9. Gets upset when every ball hit doesn't come directly to him.8. Never swings at a pitch because, "this pitcher doesn't throw
like the last pitcher. The game's just not the same since he left."7. Wants to run home before going to first base.6. Chatters in order to keep teammates from hitting the ball.5. Doesn't come to the game unless the coach personally calls
him on the phone, each week, and invites him to show up.4. Won't run after the ball if it's more than three feet away. After
all, surely somebody will get it sooner or later.3. Thinks baseball cleats are for leaving neat designs on his
team mates’ backs.2. Gets upset because the phone line to the bull pen doesn't
have call waiting. If it did, he could gripe about how bad the
pitcher is doing, and yet never miss out if someone wanted to
talk about the catcher.1. Thinks the game will last so long, that the concession stand
will be closed before it's over.
One Sunday morning
One Sunday morning, while stationed at Osan Air Base in South Korea, I was in line for breakfast and noticed that the cook behind the counter looked kind of harassed. After I gave him my order, he asked me how I wanted my eggs. Not wanting to burden him further, I said cheerfully, "Oh, whatever is easiest for you." With that, he took two eggs, cracked them open onto my plate and handed it back to me.
What's for dinner?
What's for dinner?
Can't eat beef......mad cow
Can't eat chicken...... bird flu
Can't eat eggs..... possible Salmonellla
Can't eat pork.....fears that bird flu will infect piggies. Also trichinosis
Can't eat fish....... heavy metals in the waters have poisoned their meat
Can't eat fruits and veggies....... insecticides and herbicides
Can't eat potatoes, pasta, bread, rice.......nasty carbs Hmmmmmmmm! I believe that leaves.......
Chocolate.
Can't eat beef......mad cow
Can't eat chicken...... bird flu
Can't eat eggs..... possible Salmonellla
Can't eat pork.....fears that bird flu will infect piggies. Also trichinosis
Can't eat fish....... heavy metals in the waters have poisoned their meat
Can't eat fruits and veggies....... insecticides and herbicides
Can't eat potatoes, pasta, bread, rice.......nasty carbs Hmmmmmmmm! I believe that leaves.......
Chocolate.
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