Friday, June 17, 2011

Todays hUMOR

At the Doctor

I went to my doctor yesterday. After a long wait in the
outer office, my name was finally called. When I got into the
examining room, the nurse pointed to the scale and said, "I
need to get your weight today."

I immediately replied, "One hour and 5 minutes."
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 "Drought Conditions"
Two brothers, both farmers, were talking on the phone.
One asked the other how bad the drought was in his area.
The other replied, “Well it's got so bad they've closed two lanes at the local swimming pool."

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CleanPun

Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City:
The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what ya'll are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendants' fault, it was the asphalt!"

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One Liner
I know, when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" but just once I want to say, "No, it's for company!"

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CleanQuote
"If you think education is expensive, try ignorance."

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"Just One"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
One song can spark a moment,
One flower can wake the dream.
One tree can start a forest,
One bird can herald spring.
One smile begins a friendship,
One handclasp lifts a soul.
One star can guide a ship at sea,
One word can frame the goal.
One vote can change a nation,
One sunbeam lights a room.
One candle wipes out darkness,
One laugh will conquer gloom.
One step must start each journey,
One word must start each prayer.
One hope will raise our spirits,
One touch can show you care.
One voice can speak with wisdom,
One heart can know what's true.
One life can make the difference,
You see, IT'S UP TO YOU!
- Unknown