The Youth MovementThe elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest,said, "It was a good idea to replace the first fourpews with plush bucket theatre seats. It worked. Thefront of the church fills first."The young priest nodded and the old one continued,"And you told me a little more beat to the music wouldbring young people back to church, so I supported youwhen you brought in that rock 'n roll gospel choir. Weare packed to the balcony.""Thank you, Father," answered the young priest. "I ampleased you are open to the new ideas of youth." "Well", said the elderly priest, "I'm afraidyou've gone too far with the drive-thru Confessional."But Father," protested the young priest. "Myconfessions have nearly doubled since I began that!" "I know, my son," replied the old man. "But thatflashing neon sign, "Toot 'n Tell or Go to Hell",can't stay on the church roof!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WD-40I thought that you might like to know more about thiswell-known WD-40 product. When you read the "showerdoor" part, try it. It's the first thing that hascleaned that spotty shower door. If yours is plastic,it works just as well as glass. It's a miracle! Then try it on your stovetop... Viola! It's nowshinier than it's ever been. You'll be amazed. The product began from a search for a rustpreventative solvent and degreaser to protect missileparts. WD-40 was created in 1953 by three techniciansat the San Diego Rocket Chemical Company. Its namecomes from the project that was to find a "WaterDisplacement" compound. They were successful with theFortieth formulation, thus WD-40. The Corvair Company bought it in bulk to protect theirAtlas missile parts. The workers were so pleased with the product theybegan smuggling (also known as "shrinkage" or"stealing") it out to use at home. The executives decided there might be a consumermarket for it and put it in aerosol cans. The rest ishistory. It is a carefully guarded recipe known onlyto four people. One of them is the "brew master."There are about 2.5 million gallons of the stuffmanufactured each year. It gets its distinctive smellfrom a fragrance that is added to the brew. Ken East(one of the original founders) says there is nothingin WD-40 that would hurt you. Here are a few of the 1000s of uses: ~Protects silver from tarnishing~Cleans and lubricates guitar strings ~Gets oil spots off concrete driveways ~Gives floors that 'just-waxed' sheen without makingit slippery ~Keeps flies off cows ~Restores and cleans chalkboards ~Removes lipstick stains ~Loosens stubborn zippers ~Untangles jewelry chains ~Removes stains from stainless steel sinks ~Removes dirt and grime from the barbecue grill ~Keeps ceramic/terra cotta garden pots from oxidizing ~Removes tomato stains from clothing ~Keeps glass shower doors free of water spots ~Camouflages scratches in ceramic and marble floors ~Keeps scissors working smoothly ~Lubricates noisy door hinges on vehicles and doors inhomes ~Gives a children's play gym slide a shine for a superfast slide ~Lubricates gear shift and mower - deck lever for easeof handling on riding mowers ~Rids rocking chairs and swings of squeaky noises ~Lubricates tracks in sticking home windows and makesthem easier to open ~Spraying an umbrella stem makes it easier to open andclose ~Restores and cleans padded leather dashboards andvinyl bumpers ~Restores and cleans roof racks on vehicles ~Lubricates and stops squeaks in electric fans ~Lubricates wheel sprockets on tricycles, wagons andbicycles for easy handling ~Lubricates fan belts on washers and dryers and keepsthem running smoothly ~Keeps rust from forming on saws and saw blades, andother tools ~Removes splattered grease on stove ~Keeps bathroom mirror from fogging ~Lubricates prosthetic limbs ~Keeps pigeons off the balcony (they hate the smell) ~Removes all traces of duct tape ~I have even heard of folks spraying it on their arms,hands, and knees to relieve arthritis pain. ~Florida'sfavorite use was "cleans and removes love bugs fromgrills and bumpers ~The favorite use in the state of New York ~ WD-40 protects the Statue of Liberty from theelements. ~WD-40 attracts fish. Spray a LITTLE on live bait orlures and you will be catching the big one in no time.It's a lot cheaper than the chemical attractants thatare made for just that purpose. Keep in mind though,using some chemical laced baits or lures for fishingare not allowed in some states. ~Keeps away chiggers on the kids ~Use it for fire ant bites. It takes the sting awayimmediately, and stops the itch. ~WD-40 is great for removing crayon from walls. Sprayon the mark and wipe with a clean rag. ~Also, if you've discovered that your teenage daughterhas washed and dried a tube of lipstick with a load oflaundry, saturate the lipstick spots with WD-40 andre-wash. Presto! Lipstick is gone! ~If you sprayed WD-40 on the distributor cap, it woulddisplace the moisture and allow the car to start. (IfI knew what a distributor cap was, it might help) ~WD-40, long known for its ability to remove leftovertape smudges (sticky label tape), is also a lovelyperfume and air freshener! Sprayed liberally on everyhinge in the house, it leaves that distinctive cleanfresh scent for up to two days! ~Seriously though, it removes black scuff marks fromthe kitchen floor! Use WD-40 for those nasty tar andscuff marks on flooring. It doesn't seem to harm thefinish and you won't have to scrub nearly as hard toget them off. Just remember to open some windows ifyou have a lot of marks. ~Bug guts will eat away the finish on your car if notremoved quickly! Use WD-40!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Charity Answer
Father O'Shea, the parish priest in the village, was giving a sermon about charity. He said, "The trouble with the world today is that some people have too much and others have too little. We must give of ourselves and our worldly goods to help the less fortunate."
He said to Harrigan, "If you had ten thousand pounds, wouldn't you give half of it to the poor?"
He said, "I would that, Father."
The priest said, "If you had two greyhounds, wouldn't you give one of them to your neighbor next door?"
Harrigan said, "No."
The priest said, "And why not?"
He said, "I have two greyhounds."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Here is today's Oneliner.
"When I was a child and got dirty, my mother would spit on a handkerchief and use it to clean the dirt off - I guess in her mind, muddy and disgusting was better than just muddy." - David Sigmon