Thanks to JLH: Preaching to a bear - silver
A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all
served as chaplains to the students of Northern
Michigan University in Marquette.
They would get together two or three times a week for
coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to
people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge
would be to preach to a bear.
One thing led to another and they decided to do an
experiment They would all go out into the woods, find
a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.
Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the
experience.
Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on
crutches, and has various bandages, goes first.
"Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a
bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from
the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do
with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly
grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary
Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop
is coming out next week to give him first communion
and confirmation."
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair,
with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In
his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, "WELL
brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out
and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my
bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted
nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we
began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP
another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So
I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And
just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We
spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."
They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a
hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with
IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in
bad shape. The rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back
on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to
start."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
House Calls
A pipe burst in a doctor's house, and he called a
plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did
mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed
the doctor a bill for $600.
The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! Even I
don't make that much as a doctor!"
The plumber waited for him to finish and quietly said,
"Neither did I when I was a doctor."
******************************************************
Thanks to LBS: Laws Of What Country???
We should strongly consider adopting similar laws for
immigrants. When we were in Australia you had to have
a professional occupation and Orientals were not
permitted to immigrate.
1. Only professionals or investors can immigrate to
the country. No unskilled laborers will be allowed in.
Investors must be able to invest at least 40,000 times
the daily average wage. If they can't, they are not
allowed in.
2. Immigrants may purchase property, but locations and
availability will be limited. Ocean front property
cannot be purchased by immigrants. It is exclusively
for citizens born in the country.
3. Immigrants cannot vote nor can they be elected to
any public office.
4. Immigrants cannot collect any type of government
assistance.
5. Immigrants cannot protest the countries government,
policies or president.
6. Immigrants cannot display a flag of a foreign
country.
7. Immigrants who have illegally entered the country
will be found and imprisoned. Sound kind of harsh?
Well, these are laws that are currently part of the
Immigration Laws of, you guessed it, MEXICO!!!
(And yet, Vicente Fox encourages Mexican citizens to
violate our immigration laws. L.,B.S.)
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"A Hi-Tech Litmus Test"
This morning, on the church newsletter were these instructions:
Hold this paper close to your nose and blow hard into the paper.
If the sheet turns green, you need to see a doctor.
If it turns blue, see your dentist.
If it turns red, see your bank manager.
If it turns black, you need to check your will, so see your lawyer immediately.
If, however, it does not change color, then there is nothing wrong with you, so there is no reason why you should not be in church again next week.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My chronologically older (but in regard to senility – generations older) brother, Bob, dressed very well … hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well looked-after image, walked into an upscale Burger King.
Seated alone near the window was a sharp looking lady, surely in her 80s.
Bob walked over, sat alongside of her, turned to her and said, "So tell me, do I come here often?"
She pleads ignorance as to Bob’s Burger King habits but compliments Bob on his appearance. They talk quietly for a few minutes when the lady says, “Bob, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. You act like you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Bob said, "I feel just like a new-born baby."
"Really? You feel like a new-born baby?"
"Yep, says Bob. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.
Monday, April 24, 2006
hUMOR For April 24th
Thanks to JLH: Preaching to a bear - silver
A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all
served as chaplains to the students of Northern
Michigan University in Marquette.
They would get together two or three times a week for
coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to
people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge
would be to preach to a bear.
One thing led to another and they decided to do an
experiment They would all go out into the woods, find
a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.
Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the
experience.
Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on
crutches, and has various bandages, goes first.
"Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a
bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from
the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do
with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly
grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary
Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop
is coming out next week to give him first communion
and confirmation."
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair,
with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In
his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, "WELL
brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out
and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my
bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted
nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we
began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP
another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So
I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And
just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We
spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."
They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a
hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with
IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in
bad shape. The rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back
on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to
start."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
House Calls
A pipe burst in a doctor's house, and he called a
plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did
mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed
the doctor a bill for $600.
The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! Even I
don't make that much as a doctor!"
The plumber waited for him to finish and quietly said,
"Neither did I when I was a doctor."
******************************************************
Thanks to LBS: Laws Of What Country???
We should strongly consider adopting similar laws for
immigrants. When we were in Australia you had to have
a professional occupation and Orientals were not
permitted to immigrate.
1. Only professionals or investors can immigrate to
the country. No unskilled laborers will be allowed in.
Investors must be able to invest at least 40,000 times
the daily average wage. If they can't, they are not
allowed in.
2. Immigrants may purchase property, but locations and
availability will be limited. Ocean front property
cannot be purchased by immigrants. It is exclusively
for citizens born in the country.
3. Immigrants cannot vote nor can they be elected to
any public office.
4. Immigrants cannot collect any type of government
assistance.
5. Immigrants cannot protest the countries government,
policies or president.
6. Immigrants cannot display a flag of a foreign
country.
7. Immigrants who have illegally entered the country
will be found and imprisoned. Sound kind of harsh?
Well, these are laws that are currently part of the
Immigration Laws of, you guessed it, MEXICO!!!
(And yet, Vicente Fox encourages Mexican citizens to
violate our immigration laws. L.,B.S.)
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"A Hi-Tech Litmus Test"
This morning, on the church newsletter were these instructions:
Hold this paper close to your nose and blow hard into the paper.
If the sheet turns green, you need to see a doctor.
If it turns blue, see your dentist.
If it turns red, see your bank manager.
If it turns black, you need to check your will, so see your lawyer immediately.
If, however, it does not change color, then there is nothing wrong with you, so there is no reason why you should not be in church again next week.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My chronologically older (but in regard to senility – generations older) brother, Bob, dressed very well … hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well looked-after image, walked into an upscale Burger King.
Seated alone near the window was a sharp looking lady, surely in her 80s.
Bob walked over, sat alongside of her, turned to her and said, "So tell me, do I come here often?"
She pleads ignorance as to Bob’s Burger King habits but compliments Bob on his appearance. They talk quietly for a few minutes when the lady says, “Bob, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. You act like you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Bob said, "I feel just like a new-born baby."
"Really? You feel like a new-born baby?"
"Yep, says Bob. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.
A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all
served as chaplains to the students of Northern
Michigan University in Marquette.
They would get together two or three times a week for
coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to
people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge
would be to preach to a bear.
One thing led to another and they decided to do an
experiment They would all go out into the woods, find
a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.
Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the
experience.
Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on
crutches, and has various bandages, goes first.
"Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a
bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from
the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do
with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly
grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary
Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop
is coming out next week to give him first communion
and confirmation."
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair,
with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In
his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, "WELL
brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out
and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my
bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted
nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we
began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP
another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So
I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And
just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We
spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."
They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a
hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with
IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in
bad shape. The rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back
on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to
start."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
House Calls
A pipe burst in a doctor's house, and he called a
plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did
mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed
the doctor a bill for $600.
The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! Even I
don't make that much as a doctor!"
The plumber waited for him to finish and quietly said,
"Neither did I when I was a doctor."
******************************************************
Thanks to LBS: Laws Of What Country???
We should strongly consider adopting similar laws for
immigrants. When we were in Australia you had to have
a professional occupation and Orientals were not
permitted to immigrate.
1. Only professionals or investors can immigrate to
the country. No unskilled laborers will be allowed in.
Investors must be able to invest at least 40,000 times
the daily average wage. If they can't, they are not
allowed in.
2. Immigrants may purchase property, but locations and
availability will be limited. Ocean front property
cannot be purchased by immigrants. It is exclusively
for citizens born in the country.
3. Immigrants cannot vote nor can they be elected to
any public office.
4. Immigrants cannot collect any type of government
assistance.
5. Immigrants cannot protest the countries government,
policies or president.
6. Immigrants cannot display a flag of a foreign
country.
7. Immigrants who have illegally entered the country
will be found and imprisoned. Sound kind of harsh?
Well, these are laws that are currently part of the
Immigration Laws of, you guessed it, MEXICO!!!
(And yet, Vicente Fox encourages Mexican citizens to
violate our immigration laws. L.,B.S.)
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"A Hi-Tech Litmus Test"
This morning, on the church newsletter were these instructions:
Hold this paper close to your nose and blow hard into the paper.
If the sheet turns green, you need to see a doctor.
If it turns blue, see your dentist.
If it turns red, see your bank manager.
If it turns black, you need to check your will, so see your lawyer immediately.
If, however, it does not change color, then there is nothing wrong with you, so there is no reason why you should not be in church again next week.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My chronologically older (but in regard to senility – generations older) brother, Bob, dressed very well … hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well looked-after image, walked into an upscale Burger King.
Seated alone near the window was a sharp looking lady, surely in her 80s.
Bob walked over, sat alongside of her, turned to her and said, "So tell me, do I come here often?"
She pleads ignorance as to Bob’s Burger King habits but compliments Bob on his appearance. They talk quietly for a few minutes when the lady says, “Bob, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. You act like you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Bob said, "I feel just like a new-born baby."
"Really? You feel like a new-born baby?"
"Yep, says Bob. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.
hUMOR For April 24th
Thanks to JLH: Preaching to a bear - silver
A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all
served as chaplains to the students of Northern
Michigan University in Marquette.
They would get together two or three times a week for
coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to
people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge
would be to preach to a bear.
One thing led to another and they decided to do an
experiment They would all go out into the woods, find
a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.
Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the
experience.
Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on
crutches, and has various bandages, goes first.
"Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a
bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from
the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do
with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly
grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary
Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop
is coming out next week to give him first communion
and confirmation."
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair,
with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In
his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, "WELL
brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out
and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my
bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted
nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we
began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP
another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So
I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And
just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We
spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."
They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a
hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with
IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in
bad shape. The rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back
on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to
start."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
House Calls
A pipe burst in a doctor's house, and he called a
plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did
mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed
the doctor a bill for $600.
The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! Even I
don't make that much as a doctor!"
The plumber waited for him to finish and quietly said,
"Neither did I when I was a doctor."
******************************************************
Thanks to LBS: Laws Of What Country???
We should strongly consider adopting similar laws for
immigrants. When we were in Australia you had to have
a professional occupation and Orientals were not
permitted to immigrate.
1. Only professionals or investors can immigrate to
the country. No unskilled laborers will be allowed in.
Investors must be able to invest at least 40,000 times
the daily average wage. If they can't, they are not
allowed in.
2. Immigrants may purchase property, but locations and
availability will be limited. Ocean front property
cannot be purchased by immigrants. It is exclusively
for citizens born in the country.
3. Immigrants cannot vote nor can they be elected to
any public office.
4. Immigrants cannot collect any type of government
assistance.
5. Immigrants cannot protest the countries government,
policies or president.
6. Immigrants cannot display a flag of a foreign
country.
7. Immigrants who have illegally entered the country
will be found and imprisoned. Sound kind of harsh?
Well, these are laws that are currently part of the
Immigration Laws of, you guessed it, MEXICO!!!
(And yet, Vicente Fox encourages Mexican citizens to
violate our immigration laws. L.,B.S.)
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"A Hi-Tech Litmus Test"
This morning, on the church newsletter were these instructions:
Hold this paper close to your nose and blow hard into the paper.
If the sheet turns green, you need to see a doctor.
If it turns blue, see your dentist.
If it turns red, see your bank manager.
If it turns black, you need to check your will, so see your lawyer immediately.
If, however, it does not change color, then there is nothing wrong with you, so there is no reason why you should not be in church again next week.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My chronologically older (but in regard to senility – generations older) brother, Bob, dressed very well … hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well looked-after image, walked into an upscale Burger King.
Seated alone near the window was a sharp looking lady, surely in her 80s.
Bob walked over, sat alongside of her, turned to her and said, "So tell me, do I come here often?"
She pleads ignorance as to Bob’s Burger King habits but compliments Bob on his appearance. They talk quietly for a few minutes when the lady says, “Bob, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. You act like you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Bob said, "I feel just like a new-born baby."
"Really? You feel like a new-born baby?"
"Yep, says Bob. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.
A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all
served as chaplains to the students of Northern
Michigan University in Marquette.
They would get together two or three times a week for
coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to
people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge
would be to preach to a bear.
One thing led to another and they decided to do an
experiment They would all go out into the woods, find
a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.
Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the
experience.
Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on
crutches, and has various bandages, goes first.
"Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a
bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from
the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do
with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly
grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary
Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop
is coming out next week to give him first communion
and confirmation."
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair,
with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In
his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, "WELL
brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out
and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my
bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted
nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we
began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP
another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So
I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And
just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We
spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."
They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a
hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with
IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in
bad shape. The rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back
on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to
start."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
House Calls
A pipe burst in a doctor's house, and he called a
plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did
mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed
the doctor a bill for $600.
The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! Even I
don't make that much as a doctor!"
The plumber waited for him to finish and quietly said,
"Neither did I when I was a doctor."
******************************************************
Thanks to LBS: Laws Of What Country???
We should strongly consider adopting similar laws for
immigrants. When we were in Australia you had to have
a professional occupation and Orientals were not
permitted to immigrate.
1. Only professionals or investors can immigrate to
the country. No unskilled laborers will be allowed in.
Investors must be able to invest at least 40,000 times
the daily average wage. If they can't, they are not
allowed in.
2. Immigrants may purchase property, but locations and
availability will be limited. Ocean front property
cannot be purchased by immigrants. It is exclusively
for citizens born in the country.
3. Immigrants cannot vote nor can they be elected to
any public office.
4. Immigrants cannot collect any type of government
assistance.
5. Immigrants cannot protest the countries government,
policies or president.
6. Immigrants cannot display a flag of a foreign
country.
7. Immigrants who have illegally entered the country
will be found and imprisoned. Sound kind of harsh?
Well, these are laws that are currently part of the
Immigration Laws of, you guessed it, MEXICO!!!
(And yet, Vicente Fox encourages Mexican citizens to
violate our immigration laws. L.,B.S.)
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"A Hi-Tech Litmus Test"
This morning, on the church newsletter were these instructions:
Hold this paper close to your nose and blow hard into the paper.
If the sheet turns green, you need to see a doctor.
If it turns blue, see your dentist.
If it turns red, see your bank manager.
If it turns black, you need to check your will, so see your lawyer immediately.
If, however, it does not change color, then there is nothing wrong with you, so there is no reason why you should not be in church again next week.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My chronologically older (but in regard to senility – generations older) brother, Bob, dressed very well … hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well looked-after image, walked into an upscale Burger King.
Seated alone near the window was a sharp looking lady, surely in her 80s.
Bob walked over, sat alongside of her, turned to her and said, "So tell me, do I come here often?"
She pleads ignorance as to Bob’s Burger King habits but compliments Bob on his appearance. They talk quietly for a few minutes when the lady says, “Bob, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. You act like you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Bob said, "I feel just like a new-born baby."
"Really? You feel like a new-born baby?"
"Yep, says Bob. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.
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