!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks to JDB: Wife 1.0 Tech Support Request
A Customer’s request- letter and Tech Support’s
reply
To:The Tech Support
Sub: Wife 1.0
Hi!
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0
and noticed that the new program began unexpected
child processing that took up a lot of space and
valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was
included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife
1.0 installs itself into all other programs and
launches during system initialization, where it
monitors all other system activity.
Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Boys' Night 2.5
and Sunday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the
system whenever they are selected. I cannot seem to
keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to
run some of my other favorite applications. I am
thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the
un-install does not work on this program. Can you help
me, please?
Thanks, Joe
................
Dear Joe,
This is a very common problem men complain about but
is mostly due to a primary misconception.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0
with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES &
ENTERTAINMENT program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM
and designed by its creator to run everything. It is
unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still
convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files
within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to
emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is
impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program
files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0
is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install
Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more
problems than the original system. Look in your manual
under 'Warnings - Alimony/Child Support.' I recommend
you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation.
Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest
you read the entire section regarding General
Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all
responsibility for faults and problems that might
occur, regardless of their cause.
The best course of action will be to enter the command
C:\APOLOGIZE. In any case, avoid excessive use of the
ESC key because ultimately you will have to give the
APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will
return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long
as you take the blame for all the GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a
great program, but very high maintenance.
Consider buying additional software to improve the
performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and
Chocolates 5.0. Do not, under any circumstances,
install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a
supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to
cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of Luck.
Tech Support
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The British are feeling the pinch in relation to
recent bombings and have raised their security level
from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security
levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even
"A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross"
since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran
out. Terrorists have been re-categorised from
"Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the
British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was
during the great fire of 1666.
Also, the French government announced yesterday that
it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to
"Hide." The only two higher levels in France are
"Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was
precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's
white flag factory, effectively paralysing the
country's military capability.
It's not only the English and French that are on a
heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the
alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to
"Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels
remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change
Sides."
The Germans also increased their alert state from
"Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing
Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels:
"Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as
usual, and the only threat they are worried about is
NATO pulling out of Brussels.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks to J&G B: PERKS OF BEING OVER 60
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be
released first.
3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
4. People call at 9 PM and ask, “Did I wake you?"
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 4 PM.
9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
12. You no longer think of speed limits as a
challenge.
13. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter
who walks into the room.
14. You sing along with elevator music.
15. Your eyes won't get much worse.
16. Your investment in health insurance is finally
beginning to pay off.
17. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than
the national weather service.
18. Your secrets are safe with your friends because
they can't remember them either.
19. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to
manageable size.
20. You can't remember who sent you this list -- and
you notice these are all in Big Print for your
convenience.