VIP Impression
My husband was once employed in the printing division of a large
manufacturing firm. One morning, word came from the top that some
visiting VIPs would be touring the plant in just a few minutes. All
production was immediately shut down as employees scrambled to
quickly tidy up the work place.
When the appointed lookout yelled, "Here they come!" fifty fingers
that were poised over fifty machine start-up buttons pressed down in
unison and blew every fuse in the building.
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Part way through his dinner date, my brother deduced the woman he was with
was more interested in his money than in him. When the check came, he took
out his credit card to pay the bill and was not surprised to hear her gush,
"Is that a platinum card?"
"No," my brother replied dryly. "It's aluminum."
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It is widely known that I am not the greatest cook in the world. In fact,
it is very rare that I ever even really cook anything. However, I did find
a recipe that even I was able to master. When I found this recipe I thought
it was perfect for people, like me, who just are not sure how to tell when
poultry is cooked thoroughly but not dried out. Give this a try.
BAKED STUFFED CHICKEN
6-7 lb. chicken
1 cup melted butter
1 cup stuffing
1 cup uncooked popcorn
salt/pepper to taste
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brush chicken well with melted butter, salt and
pepper. Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn. Place in baking pan with the
neck end toward the back of the oven. Listen for popping sounds. When the
chicken's butt blows the oven door open and the chicken flies across the
room, it's done.
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I've been collecting compliments all my life. So far I have three.
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Build It and They Will Come
The telephone solicitor selling basement waterproofing must have
thought she'd died and gone to heaven when she reached my very polite
and patient son on the phone. At the end of her long sales pitch, she
asked, "Do you mind if we send out someone to give you an estimate?"
"Not at all," my son said.
"When would be a good time?" she asked.
My son answered, "Just as soon as I dig a basement."
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DADDY'S GONNA EAT YOUR FINGERS ...
(This one is worth passing on.)
This one is for everyone who ..
A) has kids, b) had kids, c) was a kid, d) knows a kid e) is going to have
Kids.
I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was having A wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said, "Daddy, look at
This," and stuck out two of her fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in My mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers," pretending to eat them.
Went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on the bed Staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.
I said, "What's wrong, honey?"
She replied, "What happened to my booger?"