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Water HazardA buddy and I were golfing one afternoon and getting somewhat bored with the round; so when we came upon the water hazard with two ducks sitting quietly on the water, I bet him ten bucks he couldn't hit a duck and five dollars he couldn't even get one to move. Being a guy, he took the bet. He launched four tee shots toward the ducks, & even threw two by hand, & the ducks still wouldn't budge. Only after he lost six golf balls did he realize the ducks were decoys.
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On my four-year-old daughter's first trip to Disneyland, shecouldn't wait to get on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. As the carzoomed through the crazy rooms, into the path of a speedingtrain, and through walls that fell away at the last second,she clutched the little steering wheel in front of her.When the ride was over, she said to me a little shakily,"Next time, you drive. I didn't know where I was going."
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Government Work
You know you work for the government when:
The process becomes more important than the product.
You don't see anything wrong with attending a meeting on a subject you know nothing about.
You feel you contributed to the meeting just by being there.
You stop raising issues/problems because you know you will be the one answering them.
You fly first class across the country to attend a conference with 100+ people to discuss the fact that the project does not have enough money.
You work for an acronym, on an acronym, and your job title is an acronym.
You understand the rationalization of an acronym composed of acronyms.
You know that the location of a meeting is directly related to its importance.(1) A meeting at Fort Hood requires a subordinate or a contractor(2) The same meeting at Lake Tahoe requires your personal attention
You've sat at the same desk for 3 years, done the same thing for 3 years, but have had 3 different business cards.
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Here is today's CleanQuote.
"Sound travels slowly. Sometimes the things you say when your kids are teenagers don't reach them till they're in their 30s."
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Here is today's Illustration. - Self-Righteousness
Thanks to List Member Dannette from Ohio for this true story about here son.
When my son was 4, I was in Women's Bible Study Fellowship. They had classes for children as well, while we studied in our groups. One day, as my son and I were walking to our car, my son said to me, "Mom, I'm not going to sin anymore."
You can imagine my pride at hearing this. Then I got to wondering why he said this, so I asked him.
This was his answer: "Jesus said if you don't sin, you can throw the first stone and I want to throw the first stone."
Dannette from Ohio
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Washing Clothes RecipeYears ago a grandmother gave the new bride thefollowing recipe for washing clothes. This is an exactcopy as written and found in an old scrapbook - withspelling errors and all.Build fire in backyard to heat kettle of rain water.Set tubs so smoke wont blow in eyes if wind is pert.Shave one hole cake of lie soap in boilin water.Sort things, make 3 piles. 1 pile white, 1 pilecolored, 1 pile work britches and rags.To make starch, stir flour in cool water to smooth,then thin down with boiling water.Take white things, rub dirty spots on board, scrubhard, and boil, then rub colored don't boil justwrench and starch.Take things out of kettle with broom stick handle,then wrench, and starch.Hang old rags on fence. Spread tea towels on grass.Pore wrench water in flower bed. Scrub porch with hotsoapy water. Turn tubs upside down.Paste this over your washer and dryer.
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Sauce Control CenterBecky prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party she wasgiving. In her haste, however, she forgot torefrigerate the spaghetti sauce, and it sat on thecounter all day. She was worried about spoilage, butit was too late to cook up another batch.She called the local Poison Control Center and voicedher concern. They advised Becky to boil the sauceagain.That night, the phone rang during dinner, and one ofthe guests volunteered to answer it. Becky's facedropped as the guest called out, "It's the PoisonControl Center. They want to know how the spaghettisauce turned out."
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After The RainWhatever your cross, whatever your pain,There will always be sunshine after the rain.Perhaps you may stumble, perhaps even fall,But God's always ready to answer your call.He knows every heartache, sees every tear,A word from His lips can calm every fear.Your sorrows may linger throughout the night,But suddenly vanish at dawn's early light.The Savior is waiting somewhere aboveTo give you His grace and send you His love.Whatever your cross, whatever your pain,God always sends rainbows after the rain.Author Unknown