"Friendly Golf"
Two friends were beginning a game of golf.
The first man stepped up to the tee, hit the ball, and scored a hole-in-one.
The other man said, "Now I'll take MY practice swing, and then we'll start the game."
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Oneliner
There's a sign above the scale in my doctor's office that says, "Pretend it's your IQ."
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CleanPun - "Payment"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
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One of my husband's duties as a novice drill instructor at
Fort Jackson, S.C., was to escort new recruits to the mess
hall. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he
sat them down and told them, "There are three rules in this
mess hall: Shut up! Eat up! Get up!"
Checking to see that he had everyone's attention, he asked,
"What is the first rule?"
Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates
yelled in unison, "Shut up, Drill Sergeant!"
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Sleep-talking
A wife and husband both talked in their sleep. She loved auctions;
his hobby was golf.
The other night, during a deep sleep, the man yelled, "Fore!"
His wife, also in a deep sleep and not missing a beat, yelled back,
"Four fifty!"