Location, Location, Location
An aching back sent me stumbling to the drugstore for some kind of
relief. After a search, I found what I was looking for: a selection
of heating pads designed for people with back pain .... all on the
bottom shelf.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In keeping with the latest round of military budget cuts and
other funding shortfalls affecting the Department of
Defense, changes will be made to the Joint Federal Travel
Regulations (JFTR).
Lodging:
All military and civilian personnel performing temporary
duty (TDY) are encouraged to stay with relatives and friends
while on government business travel. If weather permits,
public areas such as parks should be used as temporary
lodging sites. Bus terminals, train stations, and office
lobbies may provide shelter in periods of inclement weather.
Employees are encouraged to stop by local commissaries and
post/base exchanges to pick up cardboard boxes, which will
allow them flexibility in lodging accommodations.
Meals:
Expenditures for meals will be limited to an absolute
minimum. It should be noted that certain grocery and
specialty chains, such as Costco, Hickory Farms, General
Nutrition Centers, and occasionally Safeway often provide
free samples of promotional items. Entire meals can be
obtained in this manner. Travelers should also be familiar
with indigenous roots, berries, and other protein sources
available at their destinations. If restaurants must be
utilized, travelers should use "all you can eat" salad bars.
This is especially effective for employees traveling
together, as one plate can be used to feed the entire group.
Military personnel are also encouraged to bring their own
food on business travel. Cans of tuna fish, Spam, and
Beefaroni can be consumed at your leisure without the
necessary bother of heating or costly preparation. Cost of
these items will not be reimbursed.
Transportation:
Hitchhiking is the preferred mode of travel in lieu of
commercial transport. Luminescent safety vests will be
issued to all military personnel prior to their departure on
TDY. Bus transportation will be used only when work
schedules require such travel. Airline tickets will be
authorized in extreme circumstances, and the lowest fares
will be used. For example, if a meeting is scheduled in
Washington, D.C., but a lower fare can be obtained by
traveling to Omaha, NE, then travel to Omaha will be
substituted for travel to Washington, D.C.
Miscellaneous:
All military and civilian personnel are encouraged to devise
innovative techniques in an effort to save tax dollars.
Money could be raised during airport layover periods, which
could be used to defray travel expenses. Red caps will be
issued to all personnel prior to their departure so that
they may earn tips by helping others with their luggage.
Small plastic roses and ballpoint pens will also be
available to personnel so that sales may be made as time
permits. Proceeds must be turned into the military finance
section at the conclusion of the TDY.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Millionaire 1-2-3
by Robert Byron
Hi folks. I recently bought a book called Millionaire 1-2-3 by Charles
Ponzi. At first I was skeptical but after taking a look at the testimonials
I was convinced I had bought a winner.
June Cleaver had this to say about the book, "It is a wonderful book. I have
no idea what the author was talking about but it sure looks good on my
bookshelf."
Andy Taylor says, "This is the best book I ever bought. It fits perfectly
under the bent leg of my coffee table. The table hasn't tipped over since."
Carol Brady comments, "It's a great conversation piece. My husband Mike and
I argue about it all the time."
Timmy Martin said, "Originally I thought the million dollar price tag on the
book was a bit too high but after reading it I thought the million dollar
price tag on the book was a bit too high."
How can the book be so extraordinary you ask? Well quite frankly it isn't
but I know you want to ask, "How does Mr. Ponzi's method work?" It's simple.
First, write a book full of gibberish. Second, sell one copy for a million
bucks and third, keep the money. It's just that simple.
I'm sure you are asking yourself, "Isn't there a better way to make a
million dollars?" Well, now there is. My new book, "Millionaire 1-2" will
explain this new and easy way to make a million dollars. Buy your copy today
but hurry; supplies are limited to the first six billion customers. It's
available now at Woolworth and other fine department stores.