The doctor's office was crowded as usual, but the doctor was moving
at his usual snail's pace. After waiting two hours, an old man slowly
stood up and started walking toward the dooe.
"Where are you going?" the receptionist called out.
"Well," he said, "I figured I'd go home and die a natural death."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her
father and asked, "Dad, what is the difference between anger
and exasperation?"
The father replied, "It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me
show you what I mean." With that the father went to the
telephone and dialed a number at random. To the man who
answered the phone, he said, "Hello, is Melvin there?"
The man answered, "There is no one living here named Melvin.
Why don't you learn to look up numbers before you dial
them?"
"See," said the father to his daughter. "That man was not a
bit happy with our call. He was probably very busy with
something and we annoyed him. Now watch." The father dialed
the number again. "Hello, is Melvin there?" asked the
father.
"Now look here!" came the heated reply. "You just called
this number and I told you that there is no Melvin here!
You've got a lot of nerve calling again!" The receiver
slammed down hard.
The father turned to his daughter and said, "You see, that
was anger. Now I'll show you what exasperation means." He
dialed the same number, and when a violent voice roared,
"Hello!" the father calmly said, "Hello, this is Melvin.
Have there been any calls for me?"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
For anybody who lives in Illinois, the state lottery jackpot is now $24 million. It starts at $2 million, but it has been months since anybody has won, so it keeps rolling over.
It's odd. When the economy is bad and unemployment is up, the lottery always does well. I guess everybody who is staring at the business end of a foreclosure or who has been unemployed for 6 or 12 months starts to think that 1 in 10,000,000 are good odds. Suckers.
I should know. My numbers didn't win last weekend. Or the weekend before that. Or the weekend before that. Or the weekend before that...
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"British scientists are now seeking permission to fuse human cells with rabbit eggs. Their goal is to create a human with a lucky foot." --Jay Leno
"General Motors is producing a driver-less car. Here's my fear: I'll buy one of those driver-less cars, and I'll be home on a Saturday night, and the car will out driving without me!" -David Letterman
"This week in Texas, a fire broke out in a warehouse destroying 2,000 pounds of marijuana. Officials say more than 60 firefighters and 2,000 college students responded to the blaze." -Conan O'Brien
Walter arrived at his office late one morning and was greeted with giggles from the pretty young receptionist.
"What are you laughing at?" asked Walter.
"There's a big black smudge on your face," said the girl.
"Oh, that!" said Walter. "That's easy to explain. I saw my wife off on a two-week vacation this morning; I took her to the station and kissed her good-bye."
"But what about the smudge?"
"As soon as she got on board, I ran up and kissed the engine.".