My friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her elderly
mother to the magic of the Internet. Our first move was to
access the popular Ask Jeeves website, and we told her it
could answer any question she had. Nancy's mother was very
skeptical until Nancy said, "It's true, Mom. Think of
something to ask it."
As I sat with fingers poised over the keyboard, Nancy's
mother thought a minute, then responded, "How is Aunt Helen
feeling?"
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Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, "I'll man the guns, you
drive."
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"Overdrawn"
While waiting in line at the bank, a co-worker developed a very loud case of hiccups. By the time he reached the teller's window, the hiccups seemed to have worsened. The teller took my friend's check and proceeded to run a computer verification of his account. After a minute she looked up from her terminal with a frown and said that she would be unable to cash his check.
"Why not?" my friend asked incredulously.
"I'm sorry, sir," she replied, "but our computer indicates that you do not have sufficient funds to cover this amount. As a matter of fact," she continued, "our records show your account overdrawn in excess of $5000."
"It can't be!" he cried. "You have to be kidding!"
"Yes, I am," she answered with a smile, counting out his cash. "But you will notice that your hiccups are gone."
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CleanQuote
"Consistency isn't always good especially if you're consistently wrong."
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"Perfection"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate. The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again; even more slowly. Another flash. He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed. Same result.
"This guy must have messed up the settings," the off-duty officer thought.
A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail, he discovered three traffic tickets: each for not wearing a seat belt!