On a business trip, my father approached a security checkpoint at the
airport. The National Guard shift was rotating, and a guard, in full
uniform, was in line in front of him.
As with everybody else, the soldier was ordered to go through the metal
detector. So, as he did so, he handed his M-16 rifle to security personnel
along with other items such as handcuffs and a flashlight.
Still, the alarm sounded when he walked through. Further inspection revealed
a little Swiss army knife inside one of his pockets.
"Sorry, Sir, but this item is prohibited," security said to the soldier.
Then, taking the knife away, the airport worker handed him back the M-16.
+++++++++++++++++++
We were driving our three-year-old son to his Grandma's home when we stopped
at a store. Once inside, our son decided he wanted one of those large
gumballs.
I told him he couldn't have one, and he began to pout. I leaned over to him
and said, "This is a fact of life: You don't always get everything you
want."
"I know," he replied. "Just don't tell Gramma."
+++++++++++++++++++
"Sometimes there's a fine line between participating in an extreme sport and
just playing a conventional sport very, very badly." - Andy Ihnatko
+++++++++++++++++++
Hospital Information
A friend of mine was in the hospital awaiting the arrival of her
first child. When I telephoned the hospital to see if the baby had
arrived, Dr. Wilson said it had. I asked if it was a boy or girl and
was told that it was against hospital policy to give this information
over the phone.
"Fine," I said. "I can understand that. But can you tell me what she
didn't have?"
"It wasn't a boy," replied Dr. Wilson.
+++++++++++++++++++
To my darling husband,
Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pickup truck when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately it was not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me. I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway, I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car. I am really sorry but I know with your kind hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweet heart. I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.
Your loving wife.
XXX
+++++++++++++++++++
A cowboy went to an insurance agency to buy a policy. The
agent asked, "Have you ever had an accident?"
"Nope," replied the cowboy. "Last summer, a bronc kicked in
two of my ribs, and a couple of years ago, a rattlesnake bit
me on the ankle."
"Wouldn't you call those accidents?" quizzed the puzzled
agent.
"Naw," the cowboy replied. "They did it on purpose!"
+++++++++++++++++++
At the Movies
A famous football coach was on vacation with his family in Maine.
When they walked into a movie theater and sat down, the handful of
people there applauded. He thought to himself, "I can't believe it.
People recognize me all the way up here."
Then a man came over to him and said, "Thanks for coming. They won't
start the movie unless we have ten customers or more."