A wife and husband both talked in their sleep. She loved
auctions; his hobby was golf.
The other night, during a deep sleep, the man yelled,
"Fore!"
His wife, also in a deep sleep and not missing a beat,
yelled back, "Four fifty!"
+++++++++++++++++++
I desperately need some wise advice which will recommend that I do what I
want to do.
+++++++++++++++++++
"Fearless Leader"
As a professor at Texas A & M, I taught during the day and did research at night. I would usually take a break around nine, however, calling up the strategy game Warcraft on the Internet and playing with an on-line team.
One night I was paired with a veteran of the game who was a master strategist. With him at the helm, our troops crushed opponent after opponent, and after six games we were undefeated. Suddenly my fearless leader informed me his mom wanted him to go to bed.
"How old are you?" I typed.
"Twelve," he replied. "How old are you?"
Feeling my face redden, I answered, "Eight."
+++++++++++++++++++
CleanQuote
"How important it is for us to recognize and celebrate our heroes and she-roes!"
- Maya Angelou
+++++++++++++++++++
Culture"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
A young man, while bringing flowers to a cemetery, noticed an old Chinese man placing a bowl of rice on a nearby grave. The young man walked up to the Chinese man and asked, "When do you expect your friend to come up and eat the rice?"
The old Chinese man replied with a smile, "Same time your friend comes up to smell the flowers."
+++++++++++++++++++
1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Chicago & Montreal
2. One hand on wheel, one finger out window: New York & Toronto
3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: New Jersey & Ottawa
4. One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston
5. One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator, with gun in lap: Los Angeles
6. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California; or Saskatoon, but driving in Toronto
7. Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy & Quebec City
8. One hand on 12 oz. double shot latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game, banging head on steering wheel while stuck in traffic Seattle & Vancouver
9. One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both feet on brake, throwing McDonald's bag out the window: Texas & Red Deer
10. Four-wheel drive pick-up truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna: West Virginia & Prince George
11. Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above windshield, driving 35 on the Interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on: Florida & Victoria
12. One ski-doo mitt on steering wheel, one ski-doo mitt scraper in hand out front window scraping frost, Guess Who on 8 track playing "Share The Land", hockey equipment smelling up car interior, waiting at lights for snow removal equipment to finish clearing intersection: Winnipeg
13. One knee/thigh on steering wheel of SUV, cell phone tucked under chin, two hands giving the Italian salute, head alternating between screaming at kids in the back seat and mouthing obscenities at traffic while maneuvering through a Tim Horton's drive thru for breakfast: Mississauga