Serving Food
A French fry walks into the bar and says to the bartender “Hey , could I get a beer please?” The bartender looks at him shaking his head and say “No, we don’t serve food here”
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Weird News
Alleged robber foiled by text message
NEW YORK (UPI) -- An armored car guard has been arrested for a New York heist thanks to surveillance footage and a concerned text message to his co-worker, police allege. Police said 34-year-old Robert Blackmon allegedly made off with $330,000 during an armored car heist Tuesday, and then contacted the co-worker he robbed via text message to make sure she was all right, the New York Post reported. Blackmon was allegedly photographed six times by an automated teller machine camera during the heist, the report said. Police said Blackmon lied so he could get off of work Tuesday and then used a gun to rob his co-worker, Janell Nelson, as she was leaving a bank with a cash delivery. After being identified by his manager, Blackmon was arrested, the report said. Blackmon's lawyer told Post "he would have to be fairly stupid to rob someone who knows him without a mask."
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Disoriented man crashes into map store
NEW YORK (UPI) -- A New York man said he was confused about his route before he drove into the front of a map store in his sport utility vehicle. Rodney Bailey said he was disoriented after leaving a parking garage at about 8 a.m. Thursday and made a right turn that landed him and his Ford Expedition inside a Hagstrom Map shop, the New York Post reported. Police said two women were clipped by the SUV and were hospitalized with non-critical injuries. The crash was ruled an accident by police and Bailey was not charged with any wrongdoing. The map store re-opened later in the day despite the loss of a plate glass window.
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Cats in the News
---- Kitty 'station master' famous in Japan KISHIGAWA, Japan (UPI) -- A cat turned "station master" is credited with attracting thousands of new passengers to a nearly bankrupt rail line near Kishigawa, Japan. The number of passengers rose by 55,000 since Tama the cat began "working" at the unmanned Kishi station in Wakayama Prefecture in January 2007, Kyodo News reported. The line, run by Wakayama Electric Railway Co., was on the verge of bankruptcy until Tama, who wears a little station master's hat, came on the scene and began drawing fans from across Japan, the report said. Tama -- a friendly pet cat whose owner has a kiosk next to the station -- has her own line of products for sale to tourists who flock to watch her walk around and greet passengers. ---- Mountain lion mistaken for large cat CASPER, Wyo. (UPI) -- A Casper, Wyo., woman said she initially thought the mountain lion resting on her back porch was simply a large house cat. Beverly Hood said the cougar looked well groomed and she assumed it was someone's pet until it stood up and hissed at her, the Casper Star-Tribune reported Wednesday. "I wasn't scared. I just thought, 'Whoops, I'm not going out there,'" Hood said. She reported the 80 to 90-pound animal to authorities as a "big cat," leading Casper Police Officer Mike Ableman to the impression that he was en route to shoo away a "kitty cat." He said the dispatcher assured him he was dealing with a house cat and not a mountain lion. Ableman said the assumption was quickly dispelled after he went into the yard. "It stood up and looked at me, and I ran back in the house," he said. Wyoming Game and Fish Department Warden John Lund shot the mountain lion twice with a tranquilizer gun and took it into custody. "Based on the animal's age and its behavior," he said, "we feel we are going to relocate this lion in suitable lion habitat away from people or livestock." ---- Cat survives 30-mile ride under camper HADDINGTON, Scotland (UPI) -- Veterinarians in Haddington, Scotland, said they are searching for the owners of a cat that survived a 45-minute journey clinging to the bottom of a camper. Vets at the Haddington branch of the Links Vet Group said the cat was discovered by the Muirhouse, Scotland, owner of the camper after he spotted a tail coming from beneath the front bumper after driving about 30 miles, The Scotsman reported Wednesday. The veterinarians said the cat was unharmed but frightened and covered with diesel when discovered. "When you consider how long he must have been holding on for it's pretty amazing, because that would have included going along the bypass probably at a considerable speed," veterinary nurse Jennifer Jones said. Jones said the animal hospital does not believe the cat was a stray and they are now seeking its owner. ---- Chick adopted by family cat MIDDLETON, England (UPI) -- An Englishwoman says a young chick whose siblings were killed by a fox found an unlikely surrogate parent in the family cat. Jane Etheridge, 69, of Middleton said one of her bantam hens hatched 14 chicks about 2 1/2 months ago but a visit by a fox to the henhouse left only three surviving hatchlings and two died soon after, The Daily Telegraph reported Monday. Etheridge said the surviving chick, Gladys, was brought into the home she shares with her husband to recuperate from the traumatic experience and she almost immediately came under the protection of the family's 10-year-old cat, Snowy. "Snowy cleaned her and washed her. Gladys is now about 2 1/2 months old and is our pet. She still comes into the house to play," Etheridge said. "She comes in and bounces up and down in front of Snowy and he just stands there and takes it and puts his arm around her. "They are the best of friends, very much so, and when she first started going out she would not go unless they went together. They are a strange couple but we love them both very much."
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Primitive!A famed English explorer was invited to Dartmouth to tell of his adventures in the African jungle."Can you imagine, a people so primitive that they love to eat the embryo of certain birds, and slices from the belly of certain animals? And grind up grass seed, make it into paste, burn it over a fire, then smear it with a greasy mess they extract from the mammary fluid of certain other animals?"When the students looked startled by such barbarism, the explorer added softly, "What I've been describing, of course, is a breakfast of bacon and eggs and buttered toast."
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"Yesterday Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger gave a speech and
said that California is running out of money and might
need an emergency loan of $7 billion. Or he could have
been ordering a sandwich; we have no idea." -Conan O'Brien
***
"Two hundred miles off the coast of New Orleans the largest
oil reserve is believed to have been discovered. It could
increase our reserves by 50 percent and be worth over $15
billion. This reserve could cut the price of gas by a penny!"
-Jay Leno
***
"Bob Woodward claims that the Bush administration is in a
state of denial. Today the Bush administration denied it."
-Dave Letterman
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When I was a 20-something college student, I became quite
friendly with my study partner, a 64-year-old man, who had
returned to school to finish his degree. He confessed he
had once thought more than friendship might be a possibility.
"So what changed your mind?" I asked him.
"I went to my doctor and asked if he thought a 40-year age
difference between a man and woman was insurmountable. He
looked at my chart and said, 'You're interested in someone
who's 104?'"
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It was a typically busy day at the bank. After a glance at
the line of waiting customers, a harried-looking man came
up to the side counter and demanded, "What do I have to do
to change the address on my account?"
Without missing a beat, the clerk replied, "Move."
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Ice Cream Flavors
The young man entered the Ice Cream Palace and asked, "What
kinds of ice cream do you have?"
"Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry," the girl wheezed as she
spoke, patted her chest, and seemed unable to continue.
"Do you have laryngitis?" the young man asked
sympathetically.
"Nope," she whispered, "just vanilla, chocolate, and
strawberry."
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Old Lawyer Friends
A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there. The lawyer replied, “Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds. What are you doing here?” The doctor replied, “Remember that lousy real estate I had in Mississippi? Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds.” The lawyer looked puzzled. “Gee,” he asked, “how did you start the flood?”
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CD Player
Many year ago, while shopping for my first CD player, I was able to decipher most of the technicalese on the promotional signs. One designation had me puzzled, though, so I called over a salesperson and asked, "What does 'hybrid pulse D/A converter' mean?" "That means", he said, "that this machine will read the digital information that is encoded on CDs and convert it into an audio signal - that is, into music." "In other words this CD player plays CDs." "Exactly."