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Moving Furniture
Co-workers sympathized as my mother complained that her back was really
sore from moving furniture.
"Why don't you wait till your husband gets home?" someone asked.
"I could," my mother told the group," but the couch is easier to move if
he's not on it."
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A woman goes to the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. The obit editor informs her that there is a charge of 50 cents per word. She pauses, reflects, and then she says, well then, let it read: "Fred Brown died."
Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor tells her that there is a seven-word minimum for all obituaries.
She thinks it over and in a few seconds says, "In that case, let it read, "Fred Brown died. Golf clubs for sale."
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A patient was waiting nervously in the examination room of a famous specialist.
"So who did you see before coming to me?" asked the important doctor.
"My local General Practitioner, Dr. Cohen."
"Your GP?" scoffed the doctor. "What a waste of time.
Tell me, what sort of useless advice did Cohen give you?"
"He told me to come and see you."
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"Car Names Explained"(My car is in here so don't be offended if yours is too!)
AUDI - Always Unsafe Designs Implemented
BMW - Big Money WorksBought My WifeBrutal Money WasterBreak My Window
BUICK - Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer
CHEVROLET - Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended TripsCheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every TimeCheap Heap, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every TimeCondition Hopeless, Entire Vehicle Relies On Leftover Engine Technology
DODGE - Drips Oil, Drops Grease EverywhereDem Old Dudes Go EverywhereDead or Dying Gas EaterDear Old Dad's Geriatric Express
FIAT - Failure in Italian Automotive TechnologyFix It All the TimeFix it again, Tony!
FORD - First On Recall DayFirst On Race DayFirst On Rust and DeteriorationFix Or Repair DailyFound On Road, DeadFault Of R&DFast Only Rolling DownhillFound On Russian Dump
GM - General MaintenanceGreat Mistake
GMC - Garage Man's CompanionGot A Mechanic Coming?
HONDA - Had One Never Did Again
HYUNDAI - Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive...
MAZDA - Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along
OLDSMOBILE - Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everywhere,Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment
PINTO - Put in new transmission often
PONTIAC - poor old Neanderthal thinks it's a Cadillac
SAAB - Send Another Automobile BackSwedish Automobiles Always Breakdown.
TOYOTA - Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto
VOLVO - Very Odd Looking Vehicular ObjectVehicles Of Low Velocity OwnersVW - Virtually Worthless