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A disappointed soft drink salesman returned from his Middle East assignment. His boss asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"
The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very sure to make a good sales pitch as our product was virtually unknown there. I didn't know to speak Arabic, so I planned to convey the message through 3 posters. My first poster was a man crawling through the hot desert sand, totally exhausted and panting. Second, the man is drinking our soft drink and third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place"
"That should have worked," said the boss.
The salesman replied, "Well, not only did I not speak Arabic but I didn't realize that Arabs read from right to left."
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She had a wedding to go to, and needed a wedding gift. Aha, she thought, I have that monogrammed silver tray from my wedding that I never use. I'll just take it to a silversmith and have him remove my monogram and put hers on it. Voila, one cheap wedding present."
She took it to the silversmith and asked him to remove her monogram and put the new one on. The silversmith examined the tray carefully, shook his head and said, "Lady, this can only be done so many times!"
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A psychiatrist is doing rounds in his hospital with a couple of students.
They look in on one patient and the psychiatrist says to his students, "Sometimes this fellow thinks he's a temptress in a Bizet opera, but today, as you can see from his goose stepping, he thinks he's the World War II head of the Nazi Luftwaffe. What condition do you think he's suffering from?"
The first student replies, "Is he a paranoid schizophrenic with a multiple personality disorder?"
The second student says, "No, I think he just doesn't know whether he's Carmen or Goering."
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A group of managers is trying to calculate the height of a
flag pole. They try to measure its height by lining up
their thumbs and then turning the thumb 90 degrees and
marking a spot on the ground. Then they try to use its
shadow and trig functions, but no luck.
A engineer comes by and watches for a few minutes. He asks
one of the managers what they're doing.
"We're trying to calculate the height of this flag pole."
The engineer watches a few minutes more and then, without saying a word, he walks over, pulls the pole out of the ground, lays it down, measures it, writes the measurement on a piece of paper, gives it to one of the managers and walks away.
The manager looks at the paper, snickers and says to the
other managers: "Isn't that just like an engineer?! We're trying to calculate the height and he gives us the length."
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The Perfect Husband Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on abench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function andbegins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.MAN: "Hello"WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"MAN: "Yes"WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat.It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"MAN: "Sure,..go ahead if you like it that much."WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005models. I saw one I really liked."MAN: "How much?"WOMAN: "$90,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing .... The house I wanted last yearis back on the market. They're asking $950,000"MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 900,000. They willprobably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It isclearly a pretty good price."WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at himin astonishment, mouths agape..... He smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"