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Mathematically Speaking
A high-school geometry teacher started a lesson on triangles by reading a
theorem. "If an angle is an exterior angle of a triangle, then its measure
is greater than the measure of either of its corresponding remote interior
angles."
He noticed that one student wasn't taking notes and asked him why.
"Well," the student replied sincerely, "I was waiting for you to start
speaking English."
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Our minister announced that admission to a church social event would be six dollars per person. "However, if you're over 65," he said, " the price will be only $5.50."
From the back of the congregation, a woman's voice rang out, "Do you really think I'd give you that information for only 50 cents?"
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A little girl from Minneapolis came home from Sunday school with a frown on her face. "I'm not going back there anymore," she announced with finality.
"I don't like the Bible they keep teaching us."
"Why not?" asked her astonished mother.
"Because," said the little girl, "that Bible is always talking about St. Paul, and it never once mentions Minneapolis."
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A man is on his first parachute jump. He jumps out of the
plane and counts, "1 2 3," and pulls the main cord.
Nothing happens.
He pulls on his emergency cord, again nothing happens.
Looking around desperately the man notices another man
flying UP into the air. He hollers to him, "Do you know anything about parachutes?"
"No!" he replies. "Do you know anything about gas furnaces?"
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Thanks to SUNSHINEROSE28 -- Isn't This The Truth!
A college student at a recent USC football game
challenged a senior citizen sitting next to him,
saying it was impossible for their generation to
understand his.
"You grew up in a different world," the student said
loud enough for the whole crowd to hear. "Today we
have television, jet planes, space travel, man has
walked on the Moon, our spaceships have visited Mars,
we even have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen
cars, computers with light-speed processing ..and
....uh.."
Taking advantage of a pause in the student's litany,
the geezer said, "You're right. We didn't have those
things when we were young; so we invented them, you
little twit! What the world are you doing for the next generation??"
I love senior citizens!
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Thanks to jojocalf -- Getting Rid of the Bugs
There are all kinds of bugs. Some of them are;
The Litterbug
Gum wrappers, tissues, and other items mark the place
in church where he sat.
The Jitterbug
The human pew vibrator. He turns north, then south,
then crosses the leg and swings the foot. If he's
nervous, he should seek Healing; if bored, he should
listen better; if under conviction, he should get
saved.
The Sitterbug
All he does is sit. It is his concept of Christianity.
The Titterbug
He begins at the first mistake and continues to the
last Amen. He comes only to approve or disapprove of
the Pastor or the church program.
The Glitterbug
He is so dazzled by his own glitter that he fails to
see the glory of Christ.
The Fritterbug
He fritters away time, looking out the windows, or
clipping his finger nails.
The Bitterbug
He looks bitter, feels bitter and is bitter. He needs
to get better. Unknown
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Here are a few of mine:
Transmitterbug
They are the people who spread God's word by let God
use them as transmitters.
Quitterbug
They devote their daily efforts to eliminating the sin
in their lives.
Fitterbug
Their daily efforts are spent exercising and being
emotionally healthy in their faith.
Critterbug
They enjoy eliminating the "bad" bugs (liter, jitter,
sitter, titter, glitter, fritter and bitter) in their
faith.
Wittierbug
They are the best bug of all! They are the ones who
grow their faith and wisdom by reading their Bible
daily. Soaking up the word and knowledge given to us
by God!