Student Absence Notes

Student Absence Notes
I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud! These are real notes written from parents in a Mississippi School District.

(Spellings have been left intact.)



My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.



Please excuse Lisa for being absent She was sick and I had her shot.



Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33 Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is adminastrating



Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was kicked in the growing.

Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.

Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.

Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we

thought it was Sunday.

Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.

Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

Please excuse Brenda, she has been sick and under the doctor.


Maryann was absent December 11- 16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever

and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going

around, her father even got hot last night.

----------------------

from the guy who sent it to me later wrote:


I may have recently sent you a list of excuses for student absentees in a Mississippi school district.

I have a niece, who teaches school in the Tupelo, MS, area; and I asked her if this was her school district.

The following was her reply:


May not have been those specifically but have had some similar.......did have one mother who was supposed to come for a conference and sent me word that she couldnt come during that time because her family had voted that it was her time to watch the mailbox....(and then we wonder why the kids act the way they do)

FLAT TARR

Thanks to LBS: FLAT TARR

There was this fellow from Georgia who had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, jumped out of his car, walked down the hillside and picked a bunch of wildflowers, and proceeded to put one bouquet of the flowers in front of the car and one behind it.
Then he got back in the car to wait.

A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I have a flat tarr."

In response the passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"

The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back!

Did God create Evil?

Thanks to LM: Did God create Evil?

This will make you think for a while.

At a certain college, there was a professor with a reputation for being tough on Christians. At the first class every semester, he asked if anyone was a Christian and proceeded to degrade them and to mock their statement of faith.

One semester, he asked the question and a young man raised his hand. The professor asked, "Did God make everything, young man?"

He replied, "Yes sir, He did!"

The professor responded, "If God made everything, then He made evil." The student didn't have a response and the professor was happy to have once again proved the Christian faith to be a myth.

Then another man raised his hand and asked, "May I ask you something, sir?"

"Yes, you may," responded the professor.

The young man stood up and said, "Sir, is there such a thing as cold?"
"Of course there is, what kind of question is that?
Haven't you ever been cold?"

The young man replied, "Actually, sir, cold doesn't exist. What we consider to be cold, is really an absence of heat. Absolute zero is when there is absolutely no heat, but cold does not really exist. We have only created that term to describe how we feel when heat is not there."

The young man continued, "Sir, is there such a thing as dark?"

Once again, the professor responded "Of course there is."

And once again, the student replied, "Actually, sir, darkness does not exist. Darkness is really only the absence of light. Darkness is only a term man developed to describe what happens when there is no light present."

Finally, the young man asked, "Sir, is there such thing as evil?"

The professor responded, "Of course. We have rapes, and murders and violence everywhere in the world, those things are evil."

The student replied, "Actually, sir, evil does not exist. Evil is simply the absence of God. Evil is a term man developed to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. It isn't like truth, or love, which exist as virtues like heat or light. Evil is simply the state where God is not present, like cold without heat or darkness without light."

The professor had nothing to say...

GOD'S TOP FORTY

Thanks to BC -- GOD'S TOP FORTY

1. God grades on the cross, not the curve.
2. Are you wrinkled with burden? Come on in for a faith lift.
3. Don't give God instructions -- just report for duty!
4. God doesn't want shares of your life - He wants controlling interest.
5. Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.
6. A family altar can alter a family.
7. We don't change the message - the message changes us.
8. This Church is 'Prayer' conditioned!
10. WARNING: Exposure to the Son may prevent burning!
11. Plan ahead - it wasn't raining when Noah built the ark!
12. Most people want to serve God - but only in an advisory capacity.
13. Having truth decay? Brush up on your Bible!
14. Exercise daily - walk with the Lord!
15. Read the Bible - It Will Scare The Hell Out Of You!
16. The perfect Church - for those who aren't!
17. Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous!
18. Remember the banana - when it left the bunch it got skinned...
19. Wisdom has two parts: 1- Having a lot to say 2- Not saying it.
20. Hem up with prayer and it you'll be less apt to unravel at the edges.
21. Never give the devil a ride! He will always want to drive!
22. Watch your step carefully! Everyone else does!
23. A clean conscience makes a soft pillow.
24. Nothing ruins the truth like stretching it.
25. You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him.
26. He who is good at making excuses is seldom good for anything else.
27. A fellow who says it can't be done is likely to see someone doing it.
28. Kindness is difficult to give away 'cause it keeps coming back.
29. He who angers you controls you!
30. Worry is the darkroom in which 'negatives' are developed.
31. Give Satan an inch and he'll be a ruler.
32. For all you do, His blood's for you!
33. Forbidden fruits create many jams.
35. Deciding not to choose is still making a choice.
37. If God is your copilot - Swap seats!
38. Give God what's right, not what's left!
39. 'Pray' is a four-letter word that you can say anywhere.
40. If you got enough Jesus to live, that's enough to die with.