Sunday, July 23, 2006

hUMOR For July 23rd

TRIVIA: Which of these famous generals graduated
number one in his class at West Point? A - Douglas
MacArthur; B - Dwight Eisenhower; C - William
Westmoreland; D - George Patton

Robert (Bob) Dole said, "If you're hanging around
with nothing to do and the zoo is closed, come over to
the Senate. You'll get the same feeling and you won't
have to pay." Hmm. On to the real stuff!

ANSWER AT END OF THIS PAGE
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Thanks to LBS: This is a must see, must hear, for
every red blooded American patriot!AND, this ought to
be taught to every child in school, over and over,
again and again!!
L.B.

Quotes from our Founding Fathers (Also FDR and Ronald
Reagan)

http://www.interviewwithgod.com/patriotic/highband.htm
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What Are We?

Three little boys were concerned because they couldn't
get anyone to come out and play with them. They
decided it was because they had not been baptized and
didn't go to Sunday school.

So they went to the nearest church. Only the janitor
was there.

One little boy said, "We need to be baptized because
no one will come out and play with us. Will you
baptize us?"

"Sure," said the janitor.

He took them into the bathroom and dunked their little
heads in the toilet---one at a time. Then he said,
"You are now baptized".

When they got outside, one of them asked, "What
religion do you think we are?"

The oldest one said, "We're not Kathlick----because
they pour the water on you.

"We're not Baptis---because they dunk all of you in
the water.

"We're not Methdiss ---because they just sprinkle the
water on you."

The littlest one said, "Didn't you smell the water?"

They all joined in and said, "Yeah. What do you think
that means?"

"I think we're Piscopalians"
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Feeling Frustrated? Pop the bubbles!


Have you been feeling a little frustrated lately ???

Need an outlet to vent the frustration ???

OKAY... TRY THIS.......

http://www.danpat.fi/janne/flash/kuplamuovi.swf

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"Insufficient Brain Activity"
A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with "IBA" or insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late…
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CleanQuote
"Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from a friend's forehead." - Chinese Proverb
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"Marriage"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Wanting to be married, a couple came to the county courthouse in Virginia where I work. But they accidentally walked up to the offices where hunting licenses are sold.
"We're from out of state," said the prospective groom. "Can we get a license?"
The clerk replied, "No, but I can give you a three-day permit."
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In promulgating your esoteric cogitations or articulating your superficial
sentimentalities, and amicable philosophical or psychological
observations, beware of platitudinous ponderosity. Let your conversational
communications possess a compacted conciseness, a clarified
comprehensibility, a coalescent cogency, and a concatenated consistency.

Eschew obfuscation and all conglomeration of flatulent garrulity, jejune
babblement, and asinine affectations.

Let your extemporaneous descanting and unpremeditated expatiations have
intelligibility and voracious vivacity without rodomontade or thrasonical
bombast.

Sedulously avoid all polysyllabic profundity, pompous prolificacy, and vain
vapid verbosity.

In short: "Be brief and don't use big words."
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was visiting a friend who couldn't find her cordless phone.

After several minutes of searching, her young daughter said, "You know what
they should invent? A phone that stays connected to its base so it never
gets lost."
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"Sometimes there's a fine line between participating in an extreme sport and
just playing a conventional sport very, very badly." - Andy Ihnatko
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ANSWER: A - Douglas MacArthur. All of the others
failed to finish within the top 45 of their graduating
class.