A fire fighter is working on one of the engines outside the station, when he notices a little girl next door in a little red wagon, with little ladders hanging off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet. The wagon is being pulled by her dog and her cat. The firefighter walks over to take a closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration.
"Thanks," the girl says.
The fire fighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
"Little Partner," the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replies thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The Batchelor"
I realized that my six-year-old grandson had been watching too many reality TV shows the day we attended a cousin's wedding.
As the four bridesmaids walked down the aisle toward the front of the synagogue, he turned to me and asked,
"Is this where the groom decides which one he wants to marry?"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oneliner
"There are more important things in life than money but they won't go out with you if you're broke."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CleanPun - "Meat Bet "
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him $50 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf.
He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Tom's note: This sound like something that Andy Rooney would have said.)
GCF: Memory Lane
I came across this phrase in a book yesterday: "FENDER SKIRTS".
A term I haven't heard in a long time and thinking about "fender
skirts" started me thinking about other words that quietly disappear
from our language with hardly a notice.
Like "curb feelers" and "steering knobs."
Since I'd been thinking of cars, my mind naturally went that
direction first. Kids, you will probably have to find some elderly
person over 50 to explain some of these terms to you.
Remember "Continental kits?" They were rear bumper extenders and
spare tire covers that were supposed to make any car as cool as a
Lincoln Continental.
When did we quit calling them "emergency brakes?" At some point
"parking brake" became the proper term. But I miss the hint of drama
that went with "emergency brake."
Didn't you ever wait at the street for your dad to come home, so you
could ride the "running board" up to the house?
Here's a phrase I heard all the time in my youth but never anymore -
"store-bought." Of course, just about everything is store-bought
these days. But once it was bragging material to have a store-bought
dress or a store-bought bag of candy.
"Coast to coast" is a phrase that once held all sorts of excitement
and now means almost nothing. Now we take the term "world wide" for
granted. This floors me.
On a smaller scale, "wall-to-wall" was once a magical term in our
homes. In the '50s, everyone covered his or her hardwood floors with,
wow, wall-to-wall carpeting! Today, everyone replaces their
wall-to-wall carpeting with hardwood floors. Go figure.
Most of these words go back to the '50s, but here's a pure-'60s word
I came across the other day - "rat fink." Ooh, what a nasty put-down!
Here's a word I miss - "percolator." That was just a fun word to say.
And what was it replaced with? "Coffee maker." How dull. Mr. Coffee,
I blame you for this.
I miss those made-up marketing words that were meant to sound so
modern and now sound so retro. Words like "DynaFlow" and
"Electrolux." Introducing the 1963 Admiral TV, now with "SpectraVision!"
Food for thought - Was there a telethon that wiped out lumbago?
Nobody complains of that anymore. Maybe that's what castor oil cured,
because I never hear mothers threatening kids with castor oil anymore.
Some words aren't gone, but are definitely on the endangered list.
The one that grieves me most "supper." Now everybody says "dinner."
Save a great word. Invite someone to supper. Discuss fender skirts.
Someone forwarded this to me. I thought some of us of a "certain age"
would remember most of these. So, just for fun, Pass it along to
others of "a certain age."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BLONDE'S YEARLY EXAM
I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. The nurse starts with certain basics. How much do you weigh?" she asks. "125," I say. The nurse puts me on the scale. It turns out my weight is 160.
The nurse asks, "Your height?" "5 foot 8," I say. The nurse checks and sees that I only measure 5'5".
She then takes my blood pressure and tells me it is very high.
"Of course it's high!" I scream,
"When I came in here I was tall and slender!
Now I'm short and fat!"
The doctor put me on Prozac.