Not Too Bright
A college friend of mine had a broken lamp which he wanted to
discard. Unfortunately, the power cord ran under his refrigerator,
making it impossible to move the lamp while the cord was attached. He
decided to cut the cord, since the lamp was unusable anyway. He
didn't remember to unplug it first. I found him in the hallway
rolling back and forth.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Tycoon Banter"
A Texas Oil Tycoon and an Alaskan Oil Tycoon were debating on which state had the most oil.
The Alaskan Oil Tycoon said, "Listen, there is so much oil in Alaska that I could buy enough gold to build a wall of solid gold 100 feet tall and 100 feet wide all the way around the state of Texas".
The Texas Oil Tycoon scratched his chin and adjusted his cowboy hat and said, "Well boy, I'll tell ya what....you just go ahead and build that wall, and if I like it.......I'll buy it".
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CleanQuote
"People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them 'Benjamin Franklin' said it first."
- David H. Comins
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Debt"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
An old farmer wins the ten million dollar lottery and is being interviewed. The reporter asked what he is going to do with all the money.
"Oh, I reckon the first thing I'll do is go and pay a few bills."
"And what about the rest?" the reporter continued.
The farmer shrugs. "Well, I guess they'll just have to wait."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
An Irishman in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one
afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee.
The Irishman looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is
that Jesus sitting over there?"
The waitress nodded yes, so the Irishman told her to give
Jesus a cup of coffee on him.
The next patron to come in was an Englishman with a hunched
back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and
asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced
across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus over there?"
The waitress nodded, so the Englishman said to give Jesus a
cup of hot tea, "My treat."
The third patron to come into the restaurant was a redneck
on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down, and
hollered, "Hey there, sweet thang! How's about gettin' me a
cold glass of Coke?"
He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that
God's boy over there?" The waitress once more nodded, so the
redneck said to give Jesus a cold glass of Coke, "And put it
on my bill."
As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Irishman, touched
him, and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The
Irishman felt the strength come back into his legs, got up,
and danced a jig out the door.
Jesus also passed by the Englishman, touched him, and said,
"For your kindness, you are healed." The Englishman felt his
back straightening up, and he raised his hands, praised the
Lord, and did a series of backflips out the door.
Then Jesus walked towards the redneck. The redneck jumped up
and yelled, "Don't touch me! I'm drawin' disability!"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ball Markers
A golfer walks into the Pro Shop at the local course and asks the
golf pro if they sell ball markers.
The golf pro says, "Yes, they are just $1.00 each. "
The guy gives the golf pro a dollar and says he'll take one.
The golf pro opens the register, puts the dollar in the tray and with
a big smile hands the guy a quarter.