Longevity
At his 103rd birthday party, my grandfather was asked if he planned
to be around for his 104th.
"I certainly do," he replied. "Statistics show that very few people
die between the ages of 103 and 104."
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Once there was a little boy who lived in the country. For
bathroom facilities, they had to use an outhouse. The little
boy hated it because it was hot in the summer and cold in
the winter, and it stank all the time.
The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek, and the boy
determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the
water.
One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so the
little boy decided that today was the day to push the
outhouse into the creek. So he got a large stick and pushed.
Finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated
away.
That evening his dad sternly told him to sit down. Knowing
he was in trouble, the little boy asked why. The dad
replied, "Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today.
It was you, wasn't it, son?"
The boy nodded meekly. Then he thought a moment and said,
"Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped
down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he
told the truth."
The dad replied, "Well, son, George Washington's father
wasn't in that cherry tree!"
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My wife had never been to a baseball game, so I took her to see the Los
Angeles Dodgers one night. Our seats were right behind the third-base line.
At the top of the first inning, the batter hit a foul ball. Miraculously, I
managed to catch it on the fly.
As I sat down, breathless with excitement, my wife turned to me and said,
"That was nice. How many of those do you get a game?
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The old man was always telling his grandson about the good old days, and the
lower cost of living, in particular. "When I was a lad," he'd say, "my mom
could send me to the store and I'd get a salami, two pints of milk, 6
oranges, 2 loaves of bread and a magazine, some new blue jeans, all for a
dollar."
Then the old man said sadly, "You can't do that any more. Now they've got
those darn video cameras everywhere."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Mexican President Vicente Fox arrived in the U.S. today. So, it's official.
He's the last one. Turn out the lights. They are all here now." - Jay Leno
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Thanks to CanalHeights -- Cell Phone vs. Bible
I wonder what would happen if we treated our Bible
like we treat our cell phones.
What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets
What if we turned back to go get it if we for got it
What if we flipped through it several times a day
What if we used it to receive messages from the text
What if we treated it like we couldn't live without it
What if we gave it to kids as gifts
What if we used it as we traveled
What if we used it in case of an emergency
What if we upgraded it to get the latest version
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Thanks to WS: Words of Wisdom
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
Blessed are those who can give without remembering and
take without forgetting.
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Customer Service
I had just pulled into a parking spot at the home
improvement store when smoke and flames began pouring
from under my hood.
Frantic, I bolted into the store and ran up to the
first clerk I saw. As luck would have it, he was
standing behind the Customer Service counter.
"Please help," I gasped. "My car's on fire! I need a
fire extinguisher!"
Without even looking up, he replied, "Aisle 12."
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Thanks to Marti -- Forgiveness
Forgiveness is the action or process of ceasing to
feel resentment or anger against another person for an
offence or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or
restitution. Forgiveness may be considered simply in
terms of the feelings of the person who forgives, or
in terms of the relationship between the forgiver and
the person forgiven. In some contexts, it may be
granted without any expectation of compensation, and
without any response on the part of the offender (for
example, one may forgive a person who is dead). In
practical terms, it may be necessary for the offender
to offer some form of apology or restitution, or even
just ask for forgiveness, in order for the wronged
person to believe they are able to forgive.
Most world religions include teachings on the nature
of forgiveness, and many of these teachings provide an
underlying basis for the varying modern day theories
and practices of forgiveness. Instances of teachings
on forgiveness such as the parable of the Prodigal Son
and Mahatma Gandhi's forgiveness of his assassin as he
lay dying, are well known instances of such teachings
and practices of forgiveness. Some religious doctrines
or philosophies place greater emphasis on the need for
humans to find some sort of divine forgiveness for
their own shortcomings, others place greater emphasis
on the need for humans to practice forgiveness between
one another, yet others make little or no distinction
between human and/ or divine forgiveness.
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This Should Help Explain It All...
A lot of folks can't understand
how we came to have
an oil shortage here in our country.
~~~
Well, there's a very simple answer.
~~~
Nobody bothered to check the oil.
~~~
We just didn't know we were getting low.
~~~
The reason for that is purely geographical.
~~~
Our OIL is located in
~~~
Alaska
~~~
California
~~~
Coastal Florida
~~~
Coastal Louisiana
~~~
Kansas
~~~
Michigan
~~~
North Dakota
~~~
Oklahoma
~~~
Pennsylvania
and
Texas
~~~
Our
DIPSTICKS
are located in
Washington DC
Any Questions?